No, It's Not About You

by Kristi Jacobsen 4 months ago in happiness

How our mindset affects our feelings and results

No, It's Not About You
Photo by Hailey Reed on Unsplash

There's a worldwide epidemic (and no, it's not COVID-19).

It's entitlement. It's selfish thoughts. It's a level of narcissism that is astounding given the current crisis and world climate.

I am floored by the uncaring and foolish behavior, and the complete lack of empathy some people are exhibiting given a global health crisis.

Instead of focusing on the greater good, they're selfishly claiming that their rights and freedoms are being infringed upon when asked to wear a mask in public.

People aren't thinking about protecting others - they're claiming it's a hoax or they're coming up with insane conspiracy theories best left for Hollywood.

And while I can't make any excuses for the radical behavior exhibited by followers of the man in charge, I can see where the beginnings of this might stem from.


From my observations, what it comes down to is our mindset and how we think. A lot of people don't stop to think and realize that each person on this earth processes their thoughts and feelings in different ways.

While someone is cool and collected on the outside, they're screaming with fear and frustration on the inside.

While someone seems to be planning for the future, they're inwardly taking each moment as it comes because that's all they can handle.

But someone else might be straight-up business professional, relying on short, impersonal interactions because that's all they can do to keep it together for themselves.

And to you it might feel like this person is unfeeling, rude, or that the might have something against you. I can understand that. It took a lot of time and work around mindset for me to stop the anxiety around what others think of me. To stop fearing the worst and focus on what I'm doing instead of thinking up worst-case scenarios and imagining what I did wrong.

No matter your interaction with someone, whether colleague, friend, or family, you need to realize that it's not about you.

Circumstances and thoughts

Almost every time I thought that I had done something wrong, that someone was rude to me for some unknown reason, I realized that it had nothing to do with me. It was almost always due to another circumstance in their life.

And once I realized that my entire life changed. I became happier, more focused on my work and life.

It's a circumstance. Everything is.

And what I may or may not feel is entirely related to my thoughts about it. So if I can change my thought pattern around those circumstances, then I'll change how I feel which changes my actions, and ultimately changes my results.

So that awkwardness you're feeling, that tension, that shortness or borderline rude behavior someone is exhibiting toward you - it honestly has nothing to do with you.

People are handling their thoughts, their fears, and their anxieties about this pandemic, economic downturn, quarantine, and possible job loss in their own way. And how you are feeling about it, about the things they're doing or saying is entirely based on your thoughts about the circumstance.

Self-Coaching Model

I've been following a few life coaches for some time now, and both Natalie Bacon and her mentor Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School talk about this self-coaching model that helped me put everything in my life into perspective.

This model shows that circumstances are neutral and:

  • Your thoughts about the circumstance create your feelings
  • Your feelings create your actions
  • Your actions create your results

The circumstance is neutral. Your feelings and your ultimate result are based on your thoughts about the circumstance.

Shift your mindset, recognize and change your thoughts, and you change your results.

And it works.

It's not about you

I'm happier now. I don't have the crushing social anxiety that once dominated my life. I'm more focused on the things I'm doing and how I'm responding to circumstances.

Some may say that's selfish, but it's not. What's selfish is thinking that every word is spoken and every action done by someone is an attack on me.

Once you let go of those thoughts, happiness will abound.

So remember- it's not about you. No one is mad at you. The tension and awkwardness are 100% created by your thoughts about the circumstance.

And even if it is about you...

What other people think about you has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them - Jen Sincero

Kristi Jacobsen
Kristi Jacobsen
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Kristi Jacobsen

Podcast Manager. Entrepreneur. Writer. Digital Nomad.

Life and travel are the inspiration for my work and all that I do.

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