Nightmares

Quiet. Serene. Still. These are all words that described the feeling right before his father told him the news. He felt his walls crashing down, his world crumbling around him, as his memory of her played tricks on him. He was only fifteen at the time.

It was unforgivable, the way his father brought these girls home, not even three weeks after his mother was buried. He was angry, he was pissed. He picked up a few jobs around town to help out with bills, yet the way he looked at his father would never be the same. He found himself sneaking out regularly, to spend the night with Teri, or some friends from school. He never wanted to be home whenever his father brought someone back, but his father never seemed to notice... or maybe just didn't care.

He had finally saved up enough to move out when he was nineteen, to move in with Teri, but neither of them were home often. Yet, they were still as close as could be.

He was twenty two now, as he walked up the steps to their apartment. Once inside, he noticed Teri sleeping soundly on the couch. The soft snores coming from his peacefully passed out friend brought a smile to his face. He had to constantly remind himself things have gotten better, that they will continue to get better, but he could tell he didn't really believe it.

He thought back to that day on the beach. They were celebrating moving into their new apartment with a day of relaxation and peace, but neither of them really felt at ease that day. He thought back to Teri and how he's been through so much, and how he admired him to no end. Teri always seemed to have a smile on his face, he was quick to forgive and there was no limit to his generosity. Whereas he, himself, had lost his mother, and his entire world shattered around him. So, from that point on, he made a vow, to always be there for him, to always listen to and guide and love him, unconditionally. What he didn't know, though, was that Teri had made the same vow to him, several years previous. He didn't know why, but sometimes he'd find little sticky notes around the apartment, with little words of advice or motivation or just cute little doodles Teri made. But seeing his friend sleeping there, so quiet, so serene, so still... it made him feel a lot better, about everything. And he promised himself, no matter what... Teri was the most important thing to him.

Sometimes, he would still hear his mother's voice. It had been seven years since his father had chosen to give up, and his mother's face still lingered in the back of his mind as her voice played over and over in his head. Now, he couldn't help but wonder if she had woken up, if his father hadn't let her go. His father had given up on her so quickly, and... that must be why, he could still hear his mother in his dreams, thanking him, hugging him, telling him how proud she was. When she was alive, those would have just been dreams.

But now, they were nightmares.

They came, every night, to torment him, to make him feel guilty for not trying harder to convince his dad that she was worth saving, that she wasn't wasted time. But his father had made the decision without him, and he wasn't old enough to have any say in the matter. I'm sorry, mom.

When Teri woke up that morning, he noticed someone had placed a blanket over him and his head was elevated. A soft smile graced his lips as he turned his attention to his roommate's door, cracked ever so slightly. Man, he adored that guy.