New Year New (Nicer to Myself) Me

As I write this, I'm deleting file after file of to-do lists that now seem a bit unreasonable. Now, they aren't "climb Mount Everest", but they are equivalently large to where my life is now. A quota amount of money to save by a certain date, number of pages to read, miles to run. All geared towards self-improvement, but I'm realizing these goals are taking the joy out of activities I used to love. The constant reminder ping on my phone or sticky notes left around my room add to the growing anxiety I put on myself.

The biggest goal of 2022 will be to let go all the ghosts of resolutions past. All of the numbers I never reached, or them people I may not have proved wrong in my hard work. As a student, there are a lot of goals I had that were unrealistic when accompanied by the tasks of every day classes and internship. I still mounted these achievements high, on a mountain I was destined never to reach the summit. Sounds self-defeated and as you can see from the title, that's what I'll be working on this upcoming year.

Here are some loose guidelines to my new and improved concept of a "resolution", to no one but myself.

1. Practice what I preach

When speaking to friends and family, I am always optimistic, genuinely believing that what they have set to accomplish or what challenges they are facing they will surely get over. When the tables are turned, I'm somewhat of a pessimist. But why is it so hard to find encouraging, uplifting reminders within myself? A bit cliche, but I really should start speaking to myself like I do one of my friends.

2. Just do it

When I have the urge to go do something that I know will improve my mental state because it is something I enjoy, I often find that I hesitate, weighing it against another task that has a deadline or due date. Self-care is just as important, if not, far more imminent than those to-do's, as I can't accomplish much if I am burnt out. This year, when I have the sudden urge to step back and read a book I enjoy, or go for a walk, or hang out with a friend, I will try my hardest to make those activities just as important as the ones on my lists.

3. Objective mirror gazing

Often times, when I look in the mirror I list subjective (typically negative) adjectives about my appearance and body. This does not do much for the self-esteem and it can be a major day ruiner. Instead of saying "you need to lose weight" I might instead say to myself "your thighs look bigger than last year and that is okay". This last statement, though not seeming much better than the first, is actually a way to trick myself into merely observing my own body rather than judging it. It would be numb to avoid mirrors forever, but it will also be harmful if I continue to use mirrors to make negative judgements about myself. The trick here is to be objective, not subjective.

4. My list, not yours

In regards to reading books, I've always utilized diving into a story as a self-care coping skill. What I never realized was taking away from the "care" aspect was focusing too much on other's "must read lists". I used to strive to read a certain number of books or pages in a year, now I will be striving to read the actual books I want to read this year, not just the ones teachers require, or the top sellers of the year with raving reviews, with a box office movie attached. I will read what I want to read, in my own time. Throwing it back to my elementary school fashion of judgement (yes it works) by the cover and if the first chapter can piqué my interest.

Now, I'll keep this list short as another form of love to myself, I don't want to pile this list too high.

I am, after all, a work in progress.

Feel free to join me on some of these 2022 goals, towards loving ourselves a whole lot more than we did before (it's possible and it doesn't require a resolution or new year to do so).