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New Year! New Me?

How I Am Doing New Years Differently

By Rowan FloresPublished 2 years ago 5 min read
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New Year! New Me?
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

It’s that time if year again where everyone vows to “do better” and “be better” for this next year. As soon as January 1st hits, gyms are packed, Walmart is out of water bottles, the organic shelves at the grocery stores are picked clean, and Staples is sold out of all their organizational planners. Now, in and of itself, I do not have an issue with New Years resolutions. However, I do have a *few* caveats when it comes to making them.

Often times we create New Years resolutions for other people. Sure, completing the goal could benefit the person who set it, and it may improve their life in some way. But, most of these resolutions are not set because the person truly wants to achieve it.

“But, Rowan, if someone doesn’t even want to achieve the resolution they set, why did they even bother to set it?”

I’m so glad you asked random reader! Most of the time we set the resolutions we feel we should achieve. We feel that we should lose weight, so we get a gym membership and vow to go every day. We feel that we should spend less money, so we cut up our credit cards and try to only use cold hard cash. We feel that we should be more productive during the day, so we promise to become “morning person” and set our alarms for no later than 6:30am. And regardless of whether or not these resolutions may actually make our lives better, we don’t ever follow through because it’s not coming from us. It’s coming from the thought that we have to be better for other people. We see everyone else setting goals and from the outside it may seem that they have their whole life together. They post progress photos on social media and we think, “Wow. They have their shit together. Wish I could be like that.” When in reality, we’re only seeing a tiny snippet of what they want to portray - not the whole picture.

If we look at the trends of most New Years resolutions, they are usually us trying to “do more” because deep down we feel we are not doing enough, not being enough, not *insert specific desire* enough. Enough. Enough. Enough.

For me, I know I am definitely guilty of not taking my own advice. I have pretty much always tried to accomplish New Years resolutions that I thought were going to make me look like an impressive individual. And honestly…I don’t think I ever fully succeeded in any of my resolutions. I did them all. Working out more, drinking more water, meditating, journaling… You name it, it was on my list. At one point I created a list of twelve resolutions and my plan was to add one resolution for each month so that I “build up to it”. What I was “building up to”, I have no idea…but it seemed like a feasible idea at the time. (As you can probably guess, it didn’t work out.) The past few years I have taken a sabbatical from New Years resolutions. Partially because there have been a lot of life changes in the past few years. Partially because I was boycotting the idea of New Years resolutions because I was starting to understand that all the resolutions I set were not for me…and that didn’t sit well.

To put it nicely, I was embarrassed. I felt guilty, even. A part of me felt that I was a failure for not meeting the standards I thought I had set for myself, and another part of me was almost ashamed that I let myself get wrapped up in the “resolution craze” every single year. I think what I was feeling is normal. Especially for someone who has issues with self-perception and insecurities.

So what about now? As I am writing this it is two and a half hours until the new year. Do I partake in the tradition? Do I boycott another year? Do I loudly proclaim my truth to the world and hope that it resonates with someone? The short answer? All three.

This year I am setting an alternate resolution for myself…and also hoping that this rant that I have been on will reach a soul in a similar place as mine. And my resolution is to not have a specific resolution at all. These past few years I have been running at high speed. I haven’t stopped moving for fear that I will never move again. But this mindset has not led to more productivity like I imagined. Instead, I am burned out and feel less productive than ever.

So this year, I do not wish to push myself to be my physical best. I do not wish to fully renovate my living space to make it an organizational masterpiece. I do not wish to take on extra projects with the hope of impressing my boss. This year I am setting the resolution to be more authentic to myself. I have spent the last 24 years of my life always trying to guess and do what I thought other people would be proud of. And a lot of the times it was out of alignment with what I wanted. Because of this I have a lot of inner turmoil when it comes to expressing my own wants and needs when faced with a decision; even if it’s something as simple as what restaurant to order dinner from.

By setting the “resolution” of no resolutions, I am allowing myself to rest. I am allowing my soul to take a well deserved break. I am giving myself grace and a moment to, hypothetically, smell the roses. I hope that by doing this I can come back to who I am and actually enjoy my days on this floating rock in space. Which is what life’s all about right?

self help
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About the Creator

Rowan Flores

Writing has always been a cathartic experience for me. I have been able to process a lot of demons by word vomiting into a keyboard. I hope that by reading my stories they allow you to do the same!

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