My Mistakes Make Me Who I Am but They Don’t Define Me

If I fall into a spiral of regret all the time, my life would be shit. Complete shit.

I have made a buttload of mistakes and uh-oh’s and "oh fuck what the hell was I thinking" kind of mistakes.

I am no angel and never tried to be. I am who I am. I screwed up plenty. I felt like shit because of those screw ups. I fell into depression and have had plenty of pity parties. I complained to friends and family. 'Cause, well, what else is there to do?

Oh, that’s right…

• Eat
• Shop
• Drink
• Work
• Hide away from the world because of sheer embarrassment and shame.

Am I proud that I was divorced two times by the time I was 31-years-old? No. I was broken for a long time. I shut people out and shoved feelings down. I got so good at shoving feels down that I stopped feeling altogether.

I'm really good at consuming my time with work. I got especially good at going on dates and being perfectly okay that they would never go anywhere. I was even okay with staying in a two-year relationship with an alcoholic that treated me like shit and would verbally abuse me. I was ok with that because I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere and there was no way in hell my daughter would ever be around him for more than a hello. But I was doing what I “should be” (I despise that word). I was getting out and experiencing what the world said I should be.

In my defense, I was protecting myself from wanting to feel and possibly being happy. 'Cause that’s a bad thing right?

"What a fucked up way to live," a lot would say and others continue to live this way forever.

Other mistakes, AKA fuck-ups…

I stepped down from a position at work because I wanted to be an amazing mom and be around my daughter more. Turns out creating a business is a lot harder than I ever thought.

Back to square one.

Am I a screw up?

Nope.

I once thought that I really did. It’s really hard to dig yourself out of a situation if you don’t understand why it is happening, if you don’t have the support and aren’t allowing love to flood your heart.

In my opinion, mistakes need to be made, like really stupid ones, to the point where you hit rock bottom or are close to it. Something needs to knock you straight between the eyes to wake you the f up.

Mistakes make you who you are BUT THEY DO NOT DEFINE YOU.

If you allow them to define you then YES you are going to continue to be a screw up with lots of regrets. You will continue the same stupid patterns and you will feel like a giant hairy monkey ball being kicked around by others.

You need to move on and understand that you hold the power to your future and the decisions you make are a reflection on how you feel about yourself deep down inside. If you have issues to deal with on a deep level, get some help from a coach or therapist. Talk to a friend or loved one. For god's sake, stop being the victim.

Some things I have overcome from my mistakes:

• Overcame an eating disorder
• understand true self-love
• learned to tap into my intuition when she is speaking to me, and trust her even when it's hard
• learned to do what feels good
• stopped adhering to social standards
• learned to say no
• am better at speaking up when something is bothering me; this can still be a struggle

These are just a few.

Mistakes make you who you are today. They do not define you. There is a difference.