May Your Hats Fly as High as Your Dreams

Age: 18

Education: Dropout

Age: 23

Education: GED

Future: Unlimited

I have started and restarted this article probably a thousand times. Each of my drafts sounded like I was trying to defend my mistake of dropping out, or it sounded like I was making excuses for not finishing high school earlier. I was either too cocky or not confident at all. I was not able to articulate what I wanted explained. Now, after walking across the stage at the local tech college's GED/HSED (High School Equivalency Diploma) graduation ceremony, I finally feel secure about my future. Now that I am only a few months shy of starting my college career, I understand what it means to overcome a massive pile of sh*t that has been keeping me from realizing my full potential.

I used to keep it a secret. I was ashamed to say, "Yes, I am twenty-three years old and I can't accept this great job opportunity because I dropped out of high school and have yet to get my GED." I have actually lied to employers so I could work as a Direct Support Professional and as an event coordinator at a catering company. I would pray that they didn't actually check my education history, which caused a lot of unnecessary stress. Imagine waking up every day thinking, "Oh, god. This is the day I lose my job because I lied on every form that asked about my education history. They all know I'm a fraud." Not a good feeling at all. I'm actually surprised my hair didn't fall out.

Not only did I let that piece of paper define my intellectual capability, but also my character. I let other people judge me for not finishing my high school career.

Failure.

That's the only word that ran through my mind for years. I failed my family. I failed my friends. I failed myself. I'm pretty sure I've walked up to the technical college, let my nerves take over, and turned right around to go home and hide under my comforter about a dozen times.

I'm not sure what changed, but one day I actually did open the doors of the school and I did take classes to polish my math and language arts skills. I actually did pass each one of my tests AND I walked across the stage and received that ridiculously intimidating piece of paper. My whole family was there to witness the crowning of my future. I'm pretty sure I completely blacked out the whole ceremony from nerves, anxiety, and excitement, and according to witness' accounts, I hugged the Dean.

It took me about five months from start to finish.

But.

It actually took me five years to make my mistakes, learn from them, build up the courage to admit my mistakes, and fix them. The self-deprecation and pity parties were only reserved for one and they were getting pretty lonely.

Even though my friends and family never gave up on me, and were there when I gave up on myself, I still never listened to them and was constantly pushing them away. The pressure of going back and passing my tests was becoming too much to bare and I was actually trying to be okay with having dead end jobs that were made for teenagers. I was okay with settling, and that is NOT okay. I don't believe that is okay for anyone.

Don't feel like you need to settle because of your education. Don't feel like you need to accomplish anything on your own. It took me five years to realize that, but it only took one day of celebration and a drunken toast to my supporters to understand that I should have done this years ago. That feeling of finally being able to stand tall and love yourself and love your future is totally worth the endless studying and text anxiety. My future, and yours, is worth it.

So, we've made the mistake of dropping out. We've made the mistake of not going back right away. It's scary and unpredictable. It's challenging and scary. It's scary. Scary. Scary. SCARY. Did I mention that it's hair-standing, goose-bump-summoning, makes-you-wanna-hide-in-a-pile-of-the-stuffed-animals-that-never-let-you-down scary?

Well, it is.

So just look around, look in the mirror. Find the confidence that's radiating off of you. Find the support that's oozing from your friends and family. They have your back, so don't be afraid to lose your balance.

I suggest putting one foot in front of the other.

I also suggest walking in a ceremony if it's offered. Totally worth it.