Love Being Different

Growing up I always felt I had to fit in, in order to be accepted, yet there was a part of me that I knew I was different and wanted different things in life, but always kept it hidden. For years I was living a double life, putting on a mask for school (since secondary school), for work, in relationships with others both personal and platonic, but this grew tiring.

Trust me it's so tiring hiding!

I loved the real me and knew she was a special part of me that I was wanting to be and am thankful for. I loved the part of me that would dress differently in the last few years of school, the tomboy I was at Primary school, who would explore nature and roll about in the dirt and play out until late, playing football or roller skating around. The part of me who chose to learn how to play the guitar and took lessons and played to my hearts content just because it felt so good. The other part of me that would never settle in a job but explored various jobs from hairdressing to nursery nursing to retail and even becoming a Trading Standards Officer for a while.

I had this hunger for life and just wanted to explore. And that's a part of me today. That part of me came back around, after years of suppressing it especially more so after my mother passed away when I was 18. Something like that in your family, causes you to 'get responsible' and start conforming for the sake of others and I did this. I took care of the family, whilst the older sister continued to explore her life, I pulled in the reigns and supported my younger sister and my dad through the tough times.

This was a tough time, but it was what I wanted to do, as my family mean the world to me and I just could never do what my older sister did and couldn't ignore what was happening.

During this period I learnt even more about me and knew there would be a time I would have to take off the mask and just be me.

When you think about doing this, you start to think of all the reasons why being true to yourself is wrong and will not be accepted. But its just your own thoughts. The thoughts you create through fear and the thoughts that really has no substance.

So after some time of healing and self reflection, I decided to just take the mask off and be me!

And guess what? There was no major change in how I was treated. I wasn't treated badly or having to explain myself as to why there was a change. In fact things felt more relaxed and more freeing than ever.

So if you are reading this and are struggling to let your inner light shine bright, don't allow the negative voices of fear take over your decision to do this.

You have a voice that deserves to be heard and not only that, you could help many people and inspire many by being your true self.

We hear a lot of things about loving yourself, but sometimes you can love yourself, but still hide your true self from the public eye and from others close to you.

Life is for living and you deserve to live a life being who you really are. You are not a horrible person for being you, you are unique and being unique is a very attractive quality to have.

So if you are reading this and battle with insecurity and self doubt, know that you are not alone, there are many who struggle with this too.

Just don't listen to the self doubts for too long. Make that decision to take off that mask and trust me life gets better and better when you are being your true self. It can be way fun too! :-)