Looking At Our Resistance

We all experience resistance. We don't get to the gym, start cooking more and eating out less or break up with that person who makes us miserable. We have a million varied excuses for these deflections. We don't have time. We're stressed out. It's almost Valentine's Day. Deep down, we know that these are just rationalizations. We absolve ourselves from the guilt of things left undone, even if those things are actually really important. Why do we do this?

I don't really do New Year's Resolutions but I did set some pretty lofty goals for the coming year. I wrote things down. I broke things into steps. Some of my goals like starting to write a memoir and practice deep breathing are going well. Others, not so much. I'm working on launching a business. This is something I never thought I would ever want to do. But last year, when the pandemic hit, I walked away from a job I'd had for four years. There were a lot of reasons and honestly, starting my own business wasn't one of them. However, I recognize it for the opportunity it is.

I foresee a future where I earn a living through coaching, writing, teaching and running workshops. It's been a dream for a long time although I spent a way too much time whining that I didn't know how to begin. I'm finally ready to do the work, whatever that work turns out to be.

One of the things I felt I needed to do in order to build my brand, was to create some video content. This is not an unreasonable expectation for a business in 2021. I know seven-year-olds with their own YouTube channels. In theory, this shouldn't be challenging for me. Yet, my resistance is mighty. My son loaned me a camera. I added some lighting to my basement corner where I'm going to record. I have a format. I have content. I made a sign.

And, I absolutely cannot seem to force myself to record this stupid ten minute video. Did I mention that seven year olds do this with zero issues? I'm a why girl. I ask a lot of questions. So, I'm looking at this resistance. Why is the world does this video feel like an IRS audit, a root canal and the stomach bug all rolled into one? Carl Jung told us that what we resist will persist. I have determined that I want to start this business and that these videos will be important to that venture. So, what is the problem?

Because I'm also a yoga teacher, the first thing I've done is to pay attention to what this feels like in my body. It feels like a narrow, constricted column in my chest. When I imagine already having triumphantly made this first video, that constriction eases up. Weird, right? But, I don't feel ready somehow. Stephen Pressfield, author of several great books about dealing with resistance, says, "Start before you're ready."

My husband has been talking about writing a book for years. He just needs to do a little more research. He just needs to plan it out in his head. He just needs to spend some more time figuring out how it will look, he says. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe, someday, he would have gotten around to writing it. But regardless, his neurologist suspects he has dementia. He isn't going to write it now if he ever was.

Sometimes life is like Nike. You really have to "Just Do it." Maybe trying to analyze the "whys" of resistance is just one more way of resisting. I will finish this essay and just go make the gosh darned video. And it will be great or not. And it won't matter because if it isn't, I will learn something and eventually, it will be great. But it will never be anything if I continue to resist.