'Little Book of Grace'

Amazing Grace for Me...

My Little Book Of Grace (available on Amazon) helps me to reflect and grow through my own intuition. So much light pours through from that place within when it is granted access...

Since I first wrote it back in 2007, I went through a 12-year cycle where I believed that only those who had walked in similar shoes to mine could possibly know my struggle. It felt empowering to believe it, and, on some level, it also felt disempowering because it fed my ego’s need to feel superior too, although I could not see it at the time and would have howled down anyone who dared to point it out to me. During that phase, I allowed my victim-Self to shine bright and make assumptions about others based on how I was feeling about them. I thought I was being compassionate and loving and empathic, and on many levels I was, but there was this other part of my personality that I was unconsciously fostering too. After the twelve-year cycle was up I experienced abuse again and saw a newer truth about me. After 35 years of abuse and trauma, I had thought I was finally free. During that 12-year cycle, I had felt safe and supported at every turn. It was a miracle for me, and then abuse came back into my life. Once again the people I had counted on the most were cruel, and it threw me right off my lofty perch of assumptions and back to a very harsh reality. These people had claimed to also believe that only those who had experienced similar things could understand, but here I was completely alone with my terror, and no one really understood nor wanted to. There was suddenly very little support from where I had been encouraged to rely on it, and there was a lot of alienation this time instead, and I found myself drawing on every internal resource I had been learning. It took me months of soul-searching to learn and accept that I had drawn others to me who also made huge assumptions based on blame and judgment and that I still did, too.

Thankfully, I did recognise and accept it enough to move on. I had some beautiful support from my husband, family, and a couple of people who stood up when it counted, and that kept me going. I did feel alone, but I wasn’t ever truly alone because my faith filled the holes. As much as I shocked myself at the time, my faith had become so solid and strong that as soon as the tsunami hit, I grabbed my spiritual life-raft and climbed right in. Those waves threw me every which way, but I was safe in my cocoon until I reached the shore and found my land legs again. As it all unfolded, I learned more and more about myself that I had previously had no notion of at all, and I grew. Over time, the pain has faded and there is a small scar on my heart, but it is healing well. I regularly pray for all those involved to thank them for the part they have played in my miraculous life and wish them love and grace in their own lives. I’m still grinding into the belief that I project onto others what I most need to see, and it’s a work in progress that I’m happy to craft. All people are my people, and I love each one these days. No separation outside my mind, one step at a time, I am sending my roots down further and out stronger. Love is enough when we’re really open to the possibility that it is. I have my Little Book of Grace to thank for helping me through the toughest time of it, and now I can share that tool with others too. Namaste and blessings.