Lesson 2: Not Everyone Will Understand You, and That’s Very Okay!

Tried explaining yourself over and over, hoping to be understood only to walk away feeling invisible, hurt and even bitter? That moment when your words don’t land at the exact place you want them to and you start questioning if it’s them or if it’s you.

I’ve been there, and it taught me something powerful about communication, self-worth, and choosing peace over explaining myself constantly. I talked, you explain, I fought, I even repeated myself; but somehow, it still felt like speaking two different languages.

I’ve been there so many times. And for years, I thought it was my job to make everyone understand me. If people didn’t “get” my choices, I felt like I had failed woefully.

Life has taught me something freeing; not everyone will understand you, and that’s very okay.

When I moved from Cameroon to Japan, many people back home couldn’t understand why I would leave behind the familiar to start fresh in a place where I didn’t even know the language. To them, it looked risky, even unnecessary. To me, it was growth, survival, and a chance to create something new. If I had waited for everyone’s approval, I’d still be stuck in the same spot, living someone else’s version of my life.

I really detest the idea of the “herd” mentality!

I grew up seeing people doing exactly the same things over several years! You know why? Yes, everyone did the same things! It was considered rebellion to have a dream different from what your parents thought was good enough for you. It often felt like families knew what was good for every child, no permission to own your own dreams. Crazy right?

Here’s the thing; people see life through their own lens. It’s like when you recommend your favorite book to a friend. You found it life-changing, but they might read it and say, “mehhh, it was okay.” The story didn’t hit them the way it hit you, because they’re not walking in your shoes, no!. Your life is the same; others don’t have your perspective, your experiences, or your vision. No one does except you!

For a long time, I wasted energy trying to prove myself. It was like standing on a stage, handing out microphones to people in the crowd, begging them to clap for me. And the more I chased their understanding, the emptier I felt.

Then one day, it clicked! The only person who truly needs to understand my life is me. Once I accepted that, I felt lighter. I stopped over-explaining. I stopped justifying my every step. I started walking with a good dose of quiet confidence, knowing that the right people would see me clearly and the wrong ones never would, no matter how hard I tried. I remember those times I tried to explain my reasons. Now that I think about it, I feel so terrible, yes.

At 36, here’s what I know; you don’t owe everyone an explanation.

Some people will misunderstand you, misjudge you, or even underestimate you.

That doesn’t make your path any less valid. Your life isn’t their puzzle to solve; it’s your journey to live.

Now, whenever I feel the urge to convince someone, I remind myself of this;

- the people meant for me will understand without a word or even a thousand words. And for the rest, it’s perfectly okay if they don’t.

- my worth and direction aren’t determined by how well others understand me.

Now, please repeat these two sentences above, personalize them. I do hope they do something to your mind, really.

Please continue reading my writing series titled “36 lessons I’ve learned in 36 years.”

Our next is: Saying “no” is an act of self-care, not selfishness (I owed everyone else everything, I owed nothing to myself. When I was left stranded, no one gave me anything!)

I hope you learn something from this.

Thank you for reading!

Until next time…