Learning to Slow Down

I have never been very good at taking things slow. I always feel like I need to be productive and on the go and there are so many things competing for my attention. There are books to read, video games to play, crafts to do, projects to work on, etc etc. They pile up one on top of the other as new things catch my eye and new ideas start to take form in my head.

This is something of a problem, and I think I've known that for a while now, even if I didn't want to admit it or didn't think I could actually manage to do anything to address it. It leads to me always having way too much on my plate and never actually being able to finish anything. I have books in my currently-reading pile that has been there for over a year, craft projects in my WIP bag that I don't even remember starting, video games taking up space on my computer that are half beaten, and countless writing and game design projects I have started and restarted so many times that I lost count a while ago. Add to this mess my day job and my podcast work and there are just never enough hours in the day for everything. I am constantly Doing Things, but never feeling accomplished and never achieving the satisfaction of finishing any of them. I love all of these hobbies and projects and genuinely want to keep up with them, but at some point, they all started to feel pointless and exhausting.

This has also given me a bit of a tense relationship with sleep. I have said many times that I actually hate sleeping. I know that it's important and the only way I can actually have the energy I need to do anything when I'm awake, but the thought of lying there and not doing anything for hours also stresses me out. All I can think about is all the stuff I feel like I need to do and how many other ways I could be spending that 6 to 8 hours every night. Staying up until two or three or even four in the morning as I picked away at things while my eyes fought to stay open has unfortunately not been an uncommon thing for me. It's a bad habit that's only further aided by most of my friend group being in earlier timezones than I am and most of our shared plans having a tendency to run pretty late for me.

I know none of this is healthy, most of it is actually counterproductive, and I need to be better at managing my time, but bad habits like that can by very hard to break.

Breaking them needs to be the goal though. I burnt out pretty badly at the end of 2021. I was stressed, overtired, and feeling very overworked. I don't want to keep finding myself in that position. Come the end of 2022, I want to be able to look back and feel proud of all the things I accomplished more than I feel weighed down by all the things I still have in progress and hanging over me.

This year, I want to learn how to slow down and rest. I want to commit myself to finish projects and being able to give the things I am doing the amount of time and attention that they need. I want to be able to get up early enough in the morning that I can get enough to eat, do my makeup, and maybe even cross a couple of things off my daily to-do list before I leave for work.

I will learn to sleep better and to limit my books and games and projects.

2022 is the year I want to learn to slow down.