Late Night Thoughts

It's 11:54 PM and Hell's Kitchen lights up the dark room where my boyfriend and kitty sleep beside me. Here I am, now wide awake after having been exhausted only an hour ago. It just seems like there are so many thoughts flooding my head right now and they want to be heard. There are so many things that I want to achieve in my life and going to sleep right now feels like I'm giving up on those dreams. It's like my brain wants to get everything done now here tonight when that obviously will not be happening.

What do I want you may ask? Well, I don't even really know for sure myself. Sometimes I really want a child, then other times I dread the thought of having that lifelong commitment. Then there's the fact that I don't have a job right now. What job do I want? Well, I don't know. The dream is to write for a living but to make that a reality it would take a miracle it seems. I write here and it gives me extreme satisfaction to see the views my articles get, but I know I could never live off of this income. People need "real" jobs that make enough money to pay all those bills. There's car insurance, car payments, rent, electricity, WiFi, groceries and boy a lot more expenses than I had ever imagined as a child. Adulthood really is insane and it's funny how everyone tells kids this fact and yet we decide they must just be overreacting.

I want Instagram, Tiktok, and/or Youtube fame. But not for myself, for my cat. My darling little Joe who I want to share with the entire world. I want everyone to be graced with his existence and to laugh along with me at the awesome little things he does. It's hard to get anywhere on these platforms, especially since I'm showing videos of a weirdo cat and not some attractive person doing a short dance or striking a provocative pose. My videos need to be made with pure entertainment value and I can never give up on creating, even when some of my posts go nowhere and get no traction. I've been at this process for years, and have almost 6,000 followers when all platforms are combined. I would like to make this enough to be a living too, but in the grand scheme of things I am nowhere near "famous" enough. I want to create a book or even a book series surrounding Joey because this would check so many of my boxes. Book- check. Letting everyone see Joe and enjoy him- check. A way to make money and survive- check.

I personally hate money. I'm sure a lot of people do, but it's just so ridiculous. You need money to live or you are screwed and your life is going to be full of many challenges (even more so than just regular living). From my past jobs I have gotten money and know how hard it is to work those shifts that just leave you drained. The sad part is, the salary for jobs are often extremely unjust. I helped change adult diapers and showered people for $12.40 an hour when you could make almost $15 at some fast food joint. The careers that should be the most rewarding are often far from it, and while the work is fulfilling, it is grueling. High turnover rate when you don't feel compensated for the work you have done.

Well, the episode of Hell's Kitchen is almost over and here I am still wide awake and typing away. I'm glad my babes haven't woken up because of my incredibly loud and obnoxious typing. I don't even know what to type anymore, but my mind is still whirling on and on. I'll have a thought going but the second I go to reach for it and focus on it, it flies away like one of the damn fruit flies living in my apartment. Maybe I should get some sleep, but I know that won't be hitting me for another few hours. So, I guess my rambling is over with for now. I'll go back to focusing on Hell's Kitchen and see who wins season 11. Man, wouldn't it be awesome if they were sponsoring this article with how many free mentions I've given them? Hey Chief Ramsay, wanna leave a tip?