Introductions

Hi! My name is Hannah, I’m 21 years old, and I’m changing my life.

We all reach this stage at some point or another. If you’re like me (and most young people) you put way too much time and energy in being someone other people needed or wanted you to be.

This past year I’ve walked away from almost all of my close relationships, save two. I’m sure we can all agree that 2020 was nothing short of a dumpster fire. However, I’m trying to look at life through a more positive lens, and I guess you could say that dumpster fire was the best thing to ever happen to me!

In March 2020 I was scared of covid. We all were. But I was even more scared of becoming homeless. I had used up the last of my money (including my overdraft) to pay rent, and, due to covid fears, I wasn’t getting enough hours to even come out of the red by April. I only ate food given to me by my workplaces because I didn’t have enough to buy my own. I begged transit drivers to let me on more than I’d like to admit so that I could make it to work.

Then the pandemic really hit. We went into lockdown and CERB was announced, it felt too good to be true. I spent hours researching making sure I could get that money. My saving grace.

When I saw that first $2000 deposited into my account, I was in disbelief. I logged into my bank account multiple times a day to let any lingering stress from my previous situation wash away. After a few days of the bliss of having more money then I’d ever made in a month (even though I consistently held two jobs) I realized this was a lesson. I deserved better than how I was living.

You see, I had been working myself into the ground. Maintaining my 94% average in full-time post secondary, two jobs, an internship, and a handful of rocky relationships. It wasn’t just that I thought I could handle all of that, it’s that I didn’t know I deserved better.

A good number of these circumstances were within my control, and I just didn’t know it. I felt so trapped by my financial burden, the toxic relationships, and just relentless workdays. It was all work, work, work, day after day. I thought it was all an amazing show of my determination, self-control, motivation, and passion for my dream. Old me would be very scared to know I was wrong, new me is very happy that I was wrong.

I am determined, motivated, self-controlled, and passionate. I just wasn’t applying it right. Instead, I was presenting as a girl who didn’t know her limits, her boundaries, or when to say no. I could still be trapped inside that girl, but I decided to change my life.

Getting laid off from my two toxic work environments was step one. What I feared made me feel better. Cutting off the person who caused 90% of my stress was step two. For a year and a half I was too scared, but doing it made me feel better. Step three was finishing my last academic semester. The sense of achievement washed away any negativity I had left from my old life. All of these positive experiences and emotions were amazing! They still haven’t worn off.

I emotionally invested in myself. I took necessary risks and sacrifices to build a better me. It was worth it.

If you’re someone who struggles, here’s my advice to you. It wasn’t just fear that was holding me back. I felt like I needed to prove something. I thought I would walk out of my toxic habits and straight into new ones. I was petrified of being disliked more than anything. I’m here to tell you a few things. Whatever your struggling with, you will find a way out. Remember, where there’s a will there’s a way. Most importantly, if you can handle all of the crazy, the chaos, the stress that you’re putting up with now, trust me, you can handle walking away. Suddenly you’ll find that you have an abundance of energy to invest in yourself. Your life will change