Healing is a journey. To be completely honest with you, it’s a journey I never intended to continue on. Not too long ago, I had actually made a beeline in the opposite direction. My pain went numb and the void I felt growing inside of me made me angry. Where I had once felt great empathy, I now found indifference to others and chose to see that indifference as a gift. I raged. Never turning a simple glance to evaluate my actions or the pain I inflicted due to my own. I pushed back at the world for forcing my experiences on me. I was tired. Tired of pushing, tired of dragging the weight of the past behind me, tired of being angry. The years passed by fairly quickly and I realized, finally, that I could not spend one more day living this way and that I was finally ready to do what needed to be done in order to heal. I had always been attracted to spirituality, but I couldn’t quite make sense of it. One of my favorite things currently is how science and spirituality are finally starting to link, making the unexplainable quite simple to comprehend and yet leaving plenty of room for the power of faith. This is the model I’ve come to align with in my daily life. As someone who has endured great childhood trauma and has struggled to make sense of what happened, of myself, and my many diagnoses as well as the harmful ways I’ve coped over the years, this paradigm of science and spirituality has begun to settle my librarian scales and I’m better able to navigate the ebbs and flows of life. Every day is a new opportunity to learn, evolve, make sense, and practice the profound and underrated habit of self love.
Healing is a different process for everyone, and not every method is helpful to the individual seeking it. My hope is that my healing journey and what has been beneficial to me might be the exact right thing that will be beneficial to one of you. I know what it’s like to live in a constant state of the “Dark Night of the Soul” and I want you to know that you don’t have to stay there forever if you don’t want to. I know it’s gotten comfortable, it’s possible to get comfortable even while enduring great pain. I know you’ve done so much and nothing has helped. I know you might have pushed past the sting and might be feeling nothing at all; and I know that’s even worse than the aching of your soul. You’re not alone. I don’t know it all and I’m very much still on my own healing journey but what I do know, and what has been beneficial to me, I will share. And hopefully, if we’re lucky, and if we can be brave enough to keep pushing forward through the uncomfortable moments; we’ll get to where we need and want to be, together.