The laptop was gently closed. She took in a deep breath and stretched her arms high above her head up into the air. Instead of throwing the laptop off the balcony, it was the least destructive, and calmest reaction she could think of at that moment.
Until she got up and paced around the room mumbling to herself, then picked up a cushion and threw it back on the couch.
Who could she call? Who could she rant too?
Her BF didn't seem to care. He seemed to only want to play games online and had no interest in a normal, more conventional life with her. He wanted to stay a kid forever. Maybe that's why they had so much fun together. But they had lived apart for years now. Despite daily FaceTime calls, the pandemic had created a permanent physical split.
Her angst blew up, and so did the lid off the top of the ice cream tub. A few spoonsful into her peanut butter chocolate haven, she decided to use the latest psychological willpower tool she learned at work the pervious week. The 'if - then' statement.
Now how did it go?
Her mind whirled in thought. However, while standing at the kitchen counter another large heavenly spoon of divine chocolate and smooth peanut butter melted delectably in her mouth. Then another, and another. She couldn't stop. Large scoops of ice cream entered her drooling mouth.
So how did it go, again?
She booted up her laptop and found the file:
Create your If-Then Plan.
Feeling a bit blocked she took another delicious creamy spoonful and looked at the example for help.
Let's give it a try. On a piece of paper, she wrote:
If I'm choosing to eat a tub of ice cream, then I'll feel bloated, and full of sugar. Yuck!
I can do better then that, she thought. She threw the spoon into the sink, and covered the tub, reluctantly putting the ice cream back into the freezer. Let's try this again.
This time the line read:
If I choose to do something healthy, then I'll feel better about myself.
So, what's healthy? What's a better way to deal with my frustrations at work, and the lack of communication with my bestie? What I am shoving down my throat, although delicious is not good for me?
What can I do? She yelled into the air.
It's like a light bulb went off in her head. Okay, let's try this again.
When I feel crappy and frustrated, if I'm doing something other than eating my emotions, then it will make me happy and energized.
Let's see if it will work, she thought. A plastic sheet went over the large dining room table. A metal container holding paint brushes came out from the cupboard. And the palette holding various shades of watercolours opened. She still needed to fill two huge yogurt containers with water, unless she could find glass jars. She wasn't sure why instructors, and tutorials preferred glass or ceramic containers to hold water. Perhaps for the aesthetic appeal. The large yogurt containers did look practical, and homey. At least I'm recycling, getting a second use out of these tubs she thought. Anything to decrease her carbon footprint eased her guilt.
She brought out a board of brown cardboard and taped the 9" x 12" watercolour paper down. She wet the whole paper. By the time she decided what she would paint, the paper had dried.
Hmmm, maybe I should grab some more ice cream, she thought to herself again. There is only a little bit left in the tub. No!
She wrote down on the piece of paper:
If I eat ice cream, then I will be eating my emotions when I could be painting and creating a masterpiece.
As she went back to her paper she wanted to combine watercolour mixes for a colourful sunset landscape. She mixed puddles of burnt orange, deep purples, and lemon yellow. As she wet the paper again, she dabbed various colours throughout the page.
A bright landscape appeared. A bit too loud, she thought. But she knew watercolours looked duller when they dried.
As she watched the paint dry, spoonsful of chocolate peanut butter danced across her mind. But she shook her head.
If I succumb to my constant food cravings, and don't paint then I won't become the next Pablo Picasso, or Frida Kahlo.
And with that, she taped down another piece of 9" x 12" watercolour paper, and put on the kettle.