I Talk Too Much About My Problems

I talk too much about my problems. Everyone has issues, and it feels great to express the feelings that come with them. However, I’ve found myself giving up on my rants once I realized I’m talking in circles. Way better than I used to be, but still catching myself combatting solutions by restating the problem. It goes back and forth like this until I’m so frustrated I cry. Sadness, disappointment, and discontent feel like the only appropriate emotions these days. To put it clearly, I think I’m addicted to negativity.

I now realize the irony behind this entry. Every time the cycle repeats, the negativity of the problem is reestablished. All this did was remind me why I was so pissed off in the first place! Only now, I’ve surpassed that and moved onto exaggerated thinking, and with every retelling of the story, it becomes more colorful. I got hooked on feeling negative because instead, I’d probably feel a bit numb. Times are hard, but while I’m thankful for so much, I’m excited about so little.

Due to COVID-19, my friends and I don’t get to meet up and talk like we used to (I’m sure you guys can relate). Now I tell my boyfriend all my problems, and it is starting to affect our relationship. Although he is very supportive, I’m sure he’s had enough. Even so, he doesn’t want me to hold onto everything and feel alone. My goal is to learn to talk about my problems more effectively.

After some digging around, I found some key things to improve how I express my worries and summed up how to carry out these changes. Please take this as my guideline on how to be a better complainant.

>Language: Even if it was a big deal, try to address it as trivial. For example, rather than say, “Today was the worst day ever,” say, “Today wasn’t my best day.” And in this, you should notice and nip exaggerations in the bud.

>Humor: It’s okay to laugh at your part in the problem. Comedy, even dark, can help lighten the mood. Try not to take yourself and the issue too seriously.

>Audience: Not everybody, but not just anybody. The ideal listener is willing to pay attention, provide feedback, defer judgment, and respond appropriately.

>Limit: Know when it is time to end or switch topics. Just because you found the right person to talk to does not mean you should go on for two hours based on a single grievance. The goal here is to get some support, some clarity, or maybe a hint to a solution (not everything has one). Stop when you’ve achieved what you set out to do.

>Solutions: Remember your goals; What is the end game? If it turns out to be something out of your control or none of your business, drop it. It’s not your problem, so move on and direct your attention to something positive.

>Alternatives: Sometimes, even you don’t know why you’re mad. Or, you don’t have a proper audience to vent. In any case, have backup outlets for problem-solving such as writing or contemplating. Writing is a great way to organize your thoughts and see the problem for what it is. Meditation is a chance to reflect on what’s truly bothering you but can also be an opportunity to reset quietly.

Conclusion

Venting is healthy and perfectly okay. Problem bombing your loved ones, however, is not. The goal is to open up about your emotions concisely and effectively. Mind your audience and how long you plan to discuss your concerns. Remember that your tone while talking through your feelings is significant in the process. And lastly, close your session with either a solution or a conscious decision to let it the hell go.

Until next time,

A