I'm Not Whining

Every "win" for me may seem trivial to you, but for me, they mean I have conquered battles that others don't see. The fights I have with fibromyalgia, grief, fixed income, and old age are all too real in my world. And I'm not special at all because I know others have unseen battles, as well. So, this is for you, too!

Fibromyalgia is a wooly-bugger of a chronic illness. It sneaks up in various places and in varying degrees. Sometimes it can be pesky like a younger sibling, but sometimes it feels like the devil himself is poking me with his three-pronged, hot spear and digging in. Sometimes the pain is easily alleviated with medicine or heat. Sometimes it lasts for days. And along with pain, comes its evil twin, fatigue.

Grief is similar to fibromyalgia, but in the realm of the soul and not so much the body, but I do believe they share a space or two. There are good days and bad days now. My loved one has been "gone" for seven months now, and by now I know the pain will subside, but never go away...how could it...love never dies.

Fixed incomes. Now, there's a topic. Learning to live within your means and making the most of the situation. Budgets are mandatory and extras not so much. For the most part, that's perfectly okay...until it isn't. When something breaks and needs fixing or replacing, there's got to be a pinch here from this area and a re-arrangement in needs and wants. God always comes through with help, though.

Old age is another creep stalking about town. Stairs aren't as easy to navigate. Jars aren't as easily opened. Reaching under the sink or in the bottom drawers cause a few more grunts. More pills, more trips to the doctor, more accommodations for vision and hearing needed, and even a higher toilet seat.

This all sounds like one huge complaint. It is. But life and health are taken so much for granted when we are younger, healthier, busier, and more vibrant. Each day goes by and one can begin to feel less and less relevant when these minions come into play. They don't play fair at all.

When I can get up from bed and have no need a pain pill, that is a win. When can feel like putting make-up on and going to run errands, that is a win. When I can remember my son's smile and not break down, that is a win. When there are no major (or even minor) emergencies or unforeseen expenses, that is a win. When I can have a little spry to my walk or better grip in my hands, stand longer to clean or cook, that is a win. When I get a good report from the doctor, that is also a win. When I have mental energy and focus to enjoy writing and reading beautiful stories and poems that my friends have written, that is a bonus win!

When I was younger, I might have written about competing in a marathon, taking a hike, buying my dream car, visiting Paris with my love, wrestling with an alligator, dancing to a rumba, having a wild weekend in Vegas, or snorkeling with the fishes. But I'm older now. I'm slower. I'm too fragile to engage. So, I'll be happy with the wins I have left and live my life to the fullest, being grateful for each good moment. I'm proud of the wins I have left and the wins I have had in my lifetime. Here's to more of them!