I'm Not Vulnerable, You're Vulnerable

I could not take feedback on anything. I would tell you I that I could, but I felt attacked. The truth is, I felt attacked if anyone didn’t agree with me, even in the pettiest scenarios. For example, the restaurant I picked out for the group. Especially if I asked for someone’s feedback on an email, paper, or some kind creation I made. You better not have told me things to change. I would’ve rather not asked for help than to know I did something wrong.

When I was younger, there were a ton of missed opportunities for me. From asking girls out, playing a certain level of sports, acting opportunities, job opportunities and more. I did not pursue these because of not being able to step out of my comfort zone and set aside my ego. I just did not want to put myself out there when I knew I should’ve listened to my inner voice. Who knows what I could’ve done at those times if I could have acted more vulnerable. There were also many arguments that went way further than needed; way more heated than needed because I couldn’t be the weak one.

I could not let you see the real me because that means you won, and I lost. I could not because then you will know who I really am. You will know how weird I am. I thought if you were to see the real me, you will not like me anymore.

We are all guilty of this….Perfect, so let’s walk around portraying the image of what we want to convince others on how to see us.

Let’s never: reveal our true selves, go after the interests and jobs we really want to pursue, have an opportunity to meet people we actually fit in with and relate with, or help someone by showing them they aren’t alone.

Instead, let’s just waste countless hours of energy to ensure all the above is airtight because that’s what will keep us safe. Let’s make sure no one dislikes us especially people we don’t even know or even like as friends.

The tradeoff is…..DRUMROLL…..happiness. We will spend all our time and energy controlling the above and we will never feel real, true unconditional happiness. The sad thing here is, we think we can control this stuff, but we can’t. So we actually waste our time that results in something we don’t control anyway. We also think we have time…time is not on our side in this case.

Or…… we could show our true face, take off the mask and permit ourselves to be courageous and be vulnerable. Be vulnerable with ourselves first, then with others. It then becomes natural.

Vulnerability is not just emotional vomiting everywhere being a complete open book, spilling the beans about yourself all over the place…that’s cringeworthy!!!

Actually, move in silence, then give yourself permission to be authentic and see what happens.

To me, a definition of vulnerability is the skill of willingly showing up for yourself, or to be seen without knowing certain outcomes or admitting, fault, pain, weakness, or anything difficult without the need to avoid or react.

Another truth is, if we applied the definition of these thoughts toward action, the person we are interacting with or showing to, may likely not even take it in the manner we thought they would…so no need to fear being vulnerable.

Brene Brown is an amazing author who has tons of books like Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection, Dare to Lead, The Power of Vulnerability, and more on why vulnerability is a superpower. When used correctly, it will be the biggest connection one ever makes. It will lead you to your truth, your path and purpose, and is a true sign of leadership.

It is much better and more empowering to walk away from a fight, to use the words of calming, it is admired way more to be a level-headed person. You will certainly know you can handle things once you try to do it this way, rather than how I used to react. You’ll become familiar with fearlessness.

What if back then I was able to get turned down turned down from that girl, if I ask for feedback and listened, if I pursued all those interests?...I am so empowering and inspiring to myself today. Some things I did that allowed me to open that door was:

- I started journaling to myself in the mornings

- I asked some trusted friends 3 questions:

1. What would you say my 3 super powers are…

2. What do you think I do that sometimes may bother you or people…

3. What are your favorite things about me…

- I talked to the people I love and care most about and told them I want to be a better son, brother, etc

- I joined certain groups and tribes that were into what I was into

- I gave myself permission to be awful

- I tasked myself with small things each day that lead to big things over time when all added together

- I measured my progress

- I hired an accountability partner

- I fired some friends

- I started visualizing who to become

- I started meditating

- I accepted everything even when I went backwards

Try one!

Check out some of my other Mindset Topics ( I call the Food For Thoughts) and blogs on Life By Corey