I'm Glad You Are Still Here

Dear Sara, I’m glad that I can head this letter with that term of endearment. In the years before I didn’t consider you, “dear”. In fact, my self-esteem was so low it had me wishing you were dead sometimes. We made it to Japan and we were living the dream but it wasn’t in a way that you or I could feel good about. Actually, it turned out to be more of a nightmare, wouldn’t you say? We hated our job and just struggled to get up every morning. Do you remember that? Well, 2020 was a step up in the start, since we got out of that situation. I bet you never imagined that we would be back in the states in just a few months after that, and in the middle of a pandemic no less! Well, I’m here now, and things aren’t as dismal as they could be. This new year of 2021 is starting off full of hope and potential, but we still never know what will happen. Keep these aspirations in mind and I think it will be easier to keep moving forward and to keep loving yourself, no matter what happens. That is the most important thing after all.

Let’s recall what good came out of 2020. Granted, it’s a year that put most people in a pinch, but since you’re reading this now, it means that you made it out alive, so you can learn something from it. You spent the prior five and a half years teaching English in Japan. It was your dream, but it’s also where all your self-validation was. You thought that if you weren’t in Japan, you didn’t have an identity. Well, we certainly cleared that up, didn’t we? You were able to make that life-altering decision to return to the United States, to reconnect with your family and explore yourself as a person. That alone shows how much character and determination you have. Upon returning, you wasted no time in getting that bike of your dreams, getting your serving license and job to start working towards being a bartender. Among those, you also gained the experience to know that maybe you don’t want to be a bartender after all. The second spike in COVID-19 cases and consequent closures of restaurants and unemployment was also a blessing in disguise for you. You found a love who inspired you, and the time to explore that inspiration and develop a vision for your future.

So, what is that vision? I already mentioned it a few times: exploration.

Not just self-exploration, but exploration in all the areas of life that were deficient in the years prior. Here are the main areas of your life where I expect good things are awaiting you.

Creativity: Your passion for art and writing was what got you your degree and your subsequent visa into Japan. However, that visa limited you in using those skills for a livelihood. And, you were spending most of your time and energy maintaining the livelihood of being an English teacher, which caused you more stress than the money was worth. Returning to your country means that you have the freedom to do anything and the time to do it.

Experiences: The time and effort it took to stay sane at the old job didn’t leave much in you to get out and travel. Now, with a pandemic keeping everything closed. Traveling and seeing new places on your bike makes more sense than ever!

Love: Being a foreigner in Japan created quite a few difficulties for your love life. Cultural differences kept a lot of relationships superficial and people who wanted to have meaningful conversations were few and far between. The language barrier was also an issue. Not to mention the fact that you were a loud, rambunctious, dorky girl, whose personality is difficult to match with most Japanese guys, and the pool of other foreign guys was pretty small. Did you ever have a very meaningful relationship there? Well, once, yes. But it couldn’t last… Now, who’s this? After just six months back in the states you meet this crazy, funny, sweet, and sexy guy. I know I’m going to hang onto him. I hope you will too. See what a relationship unburdened by cultural differences, borders and visa renewals feels like.

The past year was an amalgamation of your dreams and reality, lived, processed, and embraced into your psyche. You’ve learned what you want and don’t want; what matters and doesn’t matter; what makes you happy. You’re a different person than the girl who stepped off the plane at the Chubu Airport in Nagoya, 2014. This year you can really live because you finally learned how to live. This year you can create the comics and pictures and stories that you imagined as a kid, just for the sake of it. You have the means and the courage to travel, see the world, and experience everything this life has to offer. Just being in Japan doesn’t define you anymore. And you are not alone. You found someone special who you really care about. And after receiving care from so many friends and family who supported you, encouraged you, and loved you during the hard times, you know how to love him in a meaningful way as well. 2021 is still unknown. Things could always still take a turn in ways you might not like or expect, but you know how to keep living and moving on. I’m excited about the exploring you have to do. After everything we went through together I can easily say, I’m glad you are still here. Happy New Year!

-Love, Sara