I Finally Love YOU

As women, we should lift each other up. As humans, we should care for each other. As individuals, we should love ourselves.

Me, Myself and My Flaws

I’ve had a rocky relationship with myself all my life. As a child I would often stare into the mirror and look at all my flaws, I started to believe I was ugly because of them.

During my teen years, people began to tease me about how I looked, and because I had such low self-esteem, I believed them, which then turned into negative self-talk.

I spent so much of my life hating everything about myself that I let my negative views control the way I felt about myself and others. And even though I had women in my life who I looked up to, who were confident in themselves, and were good role-models for self-love it still wasn’t enough to inspire a change in me.

I needed to be my own source of inspiration by changing my beliefs, but for years I was looking towards outside sources to help me fix my problems. As an adult I heavily relied on my partner to make me feel good, however, his love and compliments couldn’t penetrate through the bubble of self-hate I was trapped in.

It was just me, myself and my flaws battling every day.

The First Step is Always the Hardest

One day I forced myself to make a choice, either continue to be unhappy or make a change. So, I took a risk and finally made the decision to leave my hometown and go study writing.

Now, to many people, it may seem like a small step but to me, it was one of the scariest things I'd ever done. The first step is always the hardest.

The moment I moved out of home and became independent I changed for the better. But in all honesty, it was a day I never thought would happen for me. I'd always been too scared to live a 'normal' life because of my anxiety, I thought for the rest of my days I would rot away in my bedroom, I truly believed I'd be living with my parents forever. So, when I finally moved out my confidence was boosted.

My self-esteem began to mend, my past no longer haunted me, I felt free and comfortable with who I was.

I no longer saw myself as a girl who was flawed but as a very capable woman who could accomplish anything she wanted.

I finally felt good and that’s when the negative view of myself changed. I fell in love with myself and made a promise to never doubt, criticise, or speak badly about myself or others again.

And it’s simply because I took a risk, made the first step and changed my life. Now when I look back at the scared, anxious girl I used to be I don’t recognize her anymore. If she could see me today, she wouldn’t spend another night crying and worrying about where life would take her. I might not have accomplished as much as others but I’m happier than I’ve ever been and that is what matters most to me.

I’d been a negative person my whole life, but within three years of taking that first step, I became a person who I admired.

However, I do have moments when my confidence begins to crumble under the pressure of everyday life. But I remind myself of the dark days that were once my reality and how I managed to get through them.

I believe in myself enough to know that I’ll never fall back into the negative pattern I was once so caught up in.

So, to myself, I’d like to say I finally love you, truly. And I wish it had been sooner but better late than never, right?