I am sorry. You have said this time and time again and you feel the meaning is becoming hazy. If you're like me, you might have found yourself trying too hard to make others happy for you, or you do everything you can to cheer up a friendly face, but you leave your needs and feelings un-attended. But, when it gets to the point where you can't even face yourself in the mirror or even make eye contact with the people you see everyday, it can be even more stressful on you. My recommendation is to take this time to say that you're sorry. Not to anyone in particular, but yourself.
Here is how I have decided to apologize to myself:
I am sorry. I have left you unattended for a very long time and I didn't mean to. I was so wrapped up with the people around me and what was going on around me to not realize that I was leaving you behind. I put others' needs before my own and I put myself on the back burner, and I just forgot. I am so sorry. This isn't how it was supposed to happen, we were supposed to be in this together, but I fell back into old habits. Which it is true what they say about old habits, they die hard. And I feel like I have lost bits and pieces of you. But, those aren't breadcrumbs I left behind, to pick up later. They were real pieces of you that is going to take months, or even years, to get back. Real pieces that made you, you. Well, me, but you get the idea. I miss you. Saying that the changes were for the better, is a total and complete lie. I molded you in ways that made you vulnerable and small. Easily able for toxic people to show you that you can trust them, only to be led astray. Even after all of the sessions, the journal therapy and the actual talk therapy, I still managed to let you down and push you away again. I am sorry. I know it will take time, but I feel like I can get us back to where we were. Happy again. Or at least, less sad. I will work harder on you, make sure that you are taken care of. I will not abuse you. I will use kinder words and actions. We have both made it this far and I think we can go farther, what do you think? I want to make you first priority again. No more pushing your needs to the back corner of my mind. I can do this. I will push hard to make it so. I love you.
Do you feel a little better now? I do somewhat. I am not going to lie to you and tell you that you will magically feel better overnight and be in a completely different mental state. Just like all things on this Earth, it will take time. Take away from this what you will. But, I feel that if we push forth the effort, you and I will be in a better place of thinking and we can rely on ourselves to pick us up when we are down. Just know, that you are never alone. There is always someone there for you. Even if it's a complete stranger who is willing to help you.