I AM BRAND NEW NOW

“Randy,

This letter is to inform you of my intention to resign from my position as Senior Account Executive with Maryland Public Television. This will be effective five weeks from today on May 28, 2021.”

And with a few simple keystrokes and those 22 words, I yielded to the insistent voice in my head that whispered, “NOW.” I stepped head and heart first out of my passion and into my purpose—recognizing that if I did not do it in this instant, I might end up sitting in the backyard of my own life. I was closing the door on my dream job and 40-year career in an industry I loved— advertising sales. It was a good job. No, it was a great job! I worked with a smart, committed team, doing good work for a mission-driven organization that valued career-life balance and creativity. I had flexibility, a reasonable amount of autonomy, and good health insurance. What’s not to love?

How could I leave? Sales was in my blood and had been since I sold the first ad for my high school’s weekly, news broadcast. After working in sales for over 40 years, with major broadcast organizations like Radio One and Disney/ABC and finally, Maryland Public Television, I was still hooked. That’s why it was so hard to leave—to abandon my dream job and lifelong passion to pursue a completely different path. Staying was not an option.

On May 28, 2021, I started a new chapter, turned in my company issued laptop, phone and keys; turned over my accounts, turned out the lights in my office for the last time, and closed the door. At that very moment, I turned away from my passion and opened the door to my purpose—one I felt compelled to embrace.

When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us. Alexander Graham Bell

Who is Michelle Petties?

“Michelle is a master Food Story finder, experiential eating expert, recovering food addict, speaker and author. The essays in her soon-to-be-released, first book, Leaving Large – A Food Addict’s Memoir: How I Won a 40-Year Battle Over Obesity, chronicle a lifetime of eating for all the wrong reasons. Her personal and powerful stories illustrate how events, experiences and memories inform our beliefs, attitudes, and habits around food, eating and hunger, revealing that the answers to why we eat, what we eat rest in our Food Stories.”

This is a short introduction that is often used before my interviews and speaking engagements. Okay, full disclosure so there has only been one speaking engagement—so far.

But let me introduce myself. I am a Black woman of a certain age who is enjoying newfound freedom from food addiction. In my lifetime, I have gained and lost over 700 pounds. I was morbidly obese, once tipping the scale at 260 plus pounds. For 42 years, I was in a fight for my emotional, physical, and spiritual life – unconsciously eating for all the wrong reasons, battling subconscious Food Stories, looking to food for joy, entertainment, companionship, pleasure, comfort, salvation, and status, using food to mask stress and daily discomforts that I never allowed myself to feel. My heart breaks for who I used to be. My heart breaks for the four out five African American women who are either overweight or obese, for the ever-rising number of Black women facing health crises—often weight-related, and for the nearly 70% of Americans who are overweight or obese. The pain of what I feel fuels my purpose and BRAND-NEW passion. I show, teach, and coach overweight, overwhelmed, overstressed overfed, perimenopausal, menopausal post-menopausal women—and anyone else who is over it—how to quiet the battle between mind, body, and food—not by counting calories or carbs, but by finding, facing, rewriting, and replacing their old Food Stories with BRAND NEW ones.

My mission is to raise our collective consciousness about why we eat, what we eat. A $72 billion-dollar weight loss industry tells me that people are hungry for this work.

Successfully uncovering the narratives around the truths hidden in my Food Stories brings me the clarity that I now share with anyone who is ready to be transformed.

But this did not happen overnight.

Desperate, Fearful, Frustrated, Enraged

In September 2018, I was sitting in my doctor's office gripped with desperation, frustration, fear, and rage. A mere two hours before, I had scarfed down way too many slices of pizza, while attending a business conference. Something was seriously wrong.

Desperate because in years past, I had tried everything from cabbage soup, low carb, no carb, low fat, no fat, to all manner of protein bars, powders and shakes; spent thousands of dollars on diet doctors, diet pills, diet plans, diet programs, diet videos, diet cookies, diet groups, hypnosis, psychotherapy - even surgery, in an effort to get my body to a place my mind could follow.

Frustrated because every Monday morning it was the same routine, waking up at 6 a.m. to a closet filled with 5 different sizes of clothing, wondering what I could squeeze into that would just get me through the day.

Fearful because I could see and feel myself losing the battle between, my mind, my body and food. While I had not been diagnosed with have high blood pressure or diabetes, I knew being overweight was linked to other major health issues.

Enraged because all I had was a list of unanswered questions. How could I experience such highs in my professional life and such lows in this area? What is wrong with me? Why am I here again? How can I get my body and my habits in line with my heart? Why can’t I control my weight? What haven’t I learned? What? Why? How? I felt so powerless.

Despite the desperation, frustration, fear, and rage, I had a thread of hope telling me that I could conquer my weight, that I could prevail. Enough! I was ready to get off the hamster wheel of dieting. I was ready to let go for good, to make changes, to be different—to be BRAND NEW.

And so, my journey began.

Unpacking My Eating Habits

Without question, some of the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced has been around weight related issues. I struggled with my weight all my adult life, constantly yo-yoing up and down. For years, I focused on changing what I was eating without changing what I was feeling and thinking, or more importantly, considering the origin of those thoughts and feelings. As I examined and evaluated my eating habits, it was clear that for decades, most of my food consumption had nothing to do with nutrition or nourishment. This dawning realization soon gave way to new insight, intuition, and understanding about food, eating, and hunger. The only problem food solves is hunger. Gaining this knowledge around the true purpose of food and eating—nutrition and nourishment— freed me to live a fuller life—to be BRAND NEW.

For decades, the “food experience” was my primary source of fun and celebration. Eating was an activity that represented love, culture, and so much more. My attitudes, habits and beliefs about food kept me trapped in a body that did not serve my highest intention. Statistics tell me that far too many others are falling into the same trap and eating for all the wrong reasons—just like I did: Food is not adventure, happiness, protection, or hospitality. Overeating never offered any sustained protection from boredom, sadness, anger, loneliness, confusion, frustration, heartbreak, helplessness, shyness, uncertainty, shame, fear, hurt, embarrassment, exhaustion, or disappointment. In fact, overeating only creates additional pain, discomfort, and anxiety. Sharing this knowledge is now my passion.

This analysis of my eating habits was my tipping point, the pivotal moment of understanding of how my emotions, experiences and food were so intricately mis-connected. Bit by bit, bite by bite, I peeled back the layers and revealed an attachment to food that had more to do with the experiences surrounding the food, than the food itself. These experiences formed my Food Stories. Now, I am teaching others how to find their Food Stories—and write them.

Sharing the Knowledge

Learning how to manage food has given me more peace, power, pride, freedom, joy, and confidence than I could have ever imagined. I learned to change the meaning of food in my life. In doing so, I changed the meaning of my life. Finally, my mindset was in a space and place that that my body followed. Now that I know this is possible, I am driven to show others how to achieve and experience it.

In July 2019, I announced my 60-pound weight loss on my personal Facebook page. First came a public flurry of congratulations. “So happy for you!” or “You look great!” Privately, people immediately messaged me, “OMG! What did you do?” or “You must tell me. What is your secret?” I had no idea then where these questions were leading — that I would soon embark upon my life’s work—sharing my clarity around food with anyone who is ready to give up the comfort of what they currently believe, for the bliss of what is possible.

I began by launching my I Am Brand New Now Facebook Group in November 2019. Themed, daily posts like Food for Thought, Leaving Large Quote of the Week, and Instead of Eating I Will encourage members to continually evaluate their eating habits and to explore the answers to these two questions: Why is eating this particular food right now more important than the body I say I want? Am I hungry or is it something else I am feeling? I started going live in the group on Sunday Nights, sharing personal insights and epiphanies around my new food discoveries. While the pandemic sent many into weight gain mode, I deepened my resolve. I got what I call COVID Confidence and confirmation that after 40 years of yo-yo dieting, my transformation was indeed true. I shifted my focus to writing about my experiences, emotions and memories around food and eating. My doctor encouraged me. “You should write a cookbook, but you must include the stories,” she insisted. More and more, it became clear that lasting weight loss was not so much about the food as it was the story behind the food. When I made the mental shift, a seismic one at that—from focusing on food to the story behind the food—the Food Story, something transformative happened.

In October 2020, nearly a year after launching a Facebook Group and two years after beginning this last weight loss effort, I submitted my first Food Story to a Vocal Challenge. That story, The Cake is in the Mail, won first place honors. It was just the validation I needed. Several months later, Big Boned and Blue was selected as a story of the day. And in another Vocal submission, I wrote about the time I ate five dozen fruitcake cookies. I read that story on FB; at last count, it has received over 500 views. Food Stories are a thing. Who knew?

During this time, I enrolled my first pro bono clients in my BRAND-NEW coaching program. Each week, clients are guided through lessons and exercises that address a different principle in getting to BRAND NEW: B – Begin and Believe; R – Rise Up and Reinvent; A – Alignment and Accountability; N – Nourishment and Nutrition; D – Drink. Sleep. Write; N – No is the New Yes; E – Energy. Attention. Time; W – WOW. Worth it.

I challenge my clients to question generally accepted and widespread thoughts about food, eating and hunger. In the words of my former boss and Urban One founder, Cathy Hughes, “Information is power.” But what if the information you believe about food and eating is false? What if cravings are good? And “relationship with food” is a myth? What if “comfort food” is actually discomfort food? What if the stuff we call food is really not food? What if our yet-to-be-unpacked Food Stories are not-so-silently standing between us and authenticity?

My Voice, My Mission, My Passion

Now, in June 2021, nearly two years after announcing my 60-pound weight loss. I am actively looking for an agent for my 30,000-word manuscript, Leaving Large – A Food Addict’s Memoir – How I Won a 40-Year Battle Over Obesity. I promote free chapter downloads in my 148 member Facebook group, on my Facebook Business Page, which has 249 likes and 242 followers, to my 56 Instagram followers, to my seven YouTube subscribers, my growing email list, and on Sunday nights during my weekly, live conversation, Let’s Talk, on Streamyard. While these numbers are not huge, they are growing. I am keenly aware that to serve many, I must first be able to serve a few. Passion is doing the work no matter how many show up—doing the work no matter what. My voice is my voice. My message is my message. My mission is my mission. My purpose is my purpose. My passion is my passion. If I keep telling my story, my tribe will find me. The following email is all the proof I need. Please note that I changed the name to protect the identity of the client. This is the text, just as she sent it to me.

“Hi, Michelle, my name is Rae Lynn, and I reside in Baltimore, Md. I just turned 62 on February 14, 2021. I am retired, after 30 years with the Federal government. I saw your stories on Facebook. This is the first time I have read something that relates to my entire life. I can't tell you how many weight loss programs I have been through since age 18. I have been praying and you popped right up on my page. Thank you, Lord. I have been lying to myself for years that I am ok with my body, as if I have to defend fat people. In July day after Father’s Day I quit smoking. I weighed about 280 pounds. Right now I weight 300 lbs. And I said to myself I will never get that big. So here I am. I would very much like to be one of your clients. As you can see, I can talk a lot (Lol). Thanking you in advance.”

In telling my truth, I can show others how to find theirs. (1) I no longer allow obesity to rob me of my ability to live authentically; (2) My best days are ahead of me and not behind me; (3) Changing my feelings about food and eating is more important than counting calories and carbs; and (4) The role food plays in my life has NOTHING to do with my “relationship” with food but EVERYTHING to do with my relationship with others and more importantly, myself.

As a result of rewriting my Food Stories— and now teaching others to do the same, I have created a BRAND-NEW life, fueled by my new passion and purpose. I am inspired to lead others along this same journey of finding healing in their Food Stories. Using my book as a magnet, it is my vision to host small group workshops, online and onsite, for BRAND NEWBIANS who want the freedom and healing that can only be found when they rewrite their Food Stories. The reality of this path and the enormity of the task is not lost on me. I need more access to technology, time, talent, and tools of the trade to get there. But get there I will.

“Often, it’s the deepest pain which empowers you to grow into your highest self.” Unknown

I am thankful for my pain because it opened the door to my purpose. I stepped through a BRAND-NEW door and discovered that my passion and my purpose are now one and the same.