How to Strengthen Any Relationship with Just 3 Words

Showing empathy is hard. Connecting with others’ emotions requires moving beyond our default self-focus. But empathy is a pillar of emotional intelligence, critical for collaboration, leadership, and relationships.

Luckily, there’s a simple 3-word phrase emotionally intelligent people use to show empathy and strengthen bonds

“Help me understand.”

These three words demonstrate Active Listening, a powerful technique for empathy. By prompting others to elaborate on their feelings and perspectives, you validate their experience while deepening mutual comprehension.

The results can be transformative.

Science shows Active Listening builds trust and cooperation. MRI scans reveal our brain’s pleasure centers light up when someone actively listens to us. We feel closer to those who care enough to understand.

So adopt this mantra in your relationships. When someone is upset or shares a problem, resist the urge to fix or minimize it. Don’t just state your own view. Instead, say gently: “Help me understand.” Then listen attentively.

Here are 5 reasons why “Help me understand” is the most empathetic phrase:

It’s about them, not you.

The worst response when someone is hurting?

Making it about you. Never say “I know exactly how you feel” or redirect the conversation to yourself.

Don’t compare their problem to your own similar experience. Their pain isn’t about you.

“Help me understand” keeps the focus on their unique perspective. You invite them to share more, rather than competing over who suffers more. The goal is to comprehend their distinct experience, not universalize it.

It’s genuine curiosity, not interrogation.

“Why are you feeling this way?” can seem accusatory, putting them on the defensive. It risks conveying you find their reaction disproportionate or inappropriate.

“Help me understand” is non-judgemental curiosity.

You convey genuine interest in seeing through their lens. Your tone should be warm and affirming, not skeptical or dismissive. Creating psychological safety helps them open up.

It’s non-directive guidance.

The question “What’s wrong?” requires them to diagnose the exact issue. But they may not yet have full clarity. Or they may struggle expressing emotions verbally.

“Help me understand” gives gentle direction to describe their inner state without demand. They can share organically, finding words in their own time for elusive feelings.

Patience is key.

It builds narrative coherence.

Venting anger or sadness alone is cathartic but not curative. To metabolize distress, we must construct a coherent narrative around it.

“Help me understand” facilitates this meaning-making. As they articulate their story to an active listener, the scattered pieces cohere into insight. New perspectives emerge from speaking their truth aloud.

It fosters intimacy.

Finally, “Help me understand” bonds you deeply to someone’s inner world. Not just their surface emotions, but their layered logic, fears, and dreams.

It honors their rich humanity. You become an ally in their journey, no longer separated by lack of understanding. Walls between two people crumble.

Of course, while saying “Help me understand” opens the door, you must back it up with true active listening. Consider these tips:

• Don’t interrupt. Let them speak without interjecting your own thoughts. Be present.
• Probe gently. Ask open-ended follow-up questions like “What makes you say that?” to dig deeper.
• Paraphrase and reflect. Synthesize what you hear in your own words. “It sounds like you’re saying…”
• Mirror their body language. Adopt open, approachable gestures.
• Don’t problem-solve. Simply listen, don’t attempt to “fix it.”

After they unburden themselves:

• Thank them for sharing. Express empathy non-verbally too (e.g. touch their arm warmly).
• Ask how they feel after talking it through. See if new insights emerged for them.
• Offer to help only if appropriate. Sometimes just listening is enough.

So next time someone is upset or shares a vulnerable problem, resist telling them not to worry or that ‘you get it’. Set your own experience aside. Instead, say with compassion:

“Help me understand.” Then truly listen. You’ll build an empathetic connection that transforms you both.

Some other phrases that emotionally intelligent people use to show empathy?

• “Tell me more about that.” This shows interest in hearing their full perspective without making assumptions.
• “I can’t fully understand your experience, but I care and I’m here to listen.” This acknowledges you can’t fully share their position while validating it matters to you.
• “How did that make you feel?” A compassionate prompt to express emotions safely. Avoid just asking “why” questions.
• “I know this is really hard for you.” Affirms the difficulty of their situation and you don’t take their pain lightly.
• “I’m trying to see this through your eyes.” Conveys your attempt to visualize their first-hand experience.
• “What do you need right now?” Asks how they would like to be supported in this moment.
• “I’m so sorry this happened.” Leads with heartfelt empathy rather than solutions.

The key is asking thoughtful questions from a place of non-judgment and fully focusing on their perspective and feelings. Giving them space to process aloud helps more than quick fixes.

Beyond “Help Me Understand”

While “help me understand” is a powerful empathetic phrase, emotionally intelligent people have an entire toolkit of skills for showing compassion.

Here are 5 more ways to strengthen bonds through empathy:

Paraphrase what you heard.

Summarize what someone shared in your own words. For example, “It sounds like you feel overwhelmed and under-appreciated in your current role.”

This shows active listening, proves you comprehended, and gives them a chance to clarify any misunderstandings.

Notice nonverbal cues.

Frequently, emotions manifest physically — fidgeting hands, furrowed brow, tense shoulders.

Pointing out these subtle cues makes someone feel truly seen and perceived. For example, “You seem anxious based on how quickly you’re speaking. Is my read accurate?”

Validate their emotions.

Rather than judging if feelings are reasonable, validate that they are real for the person.

For example, “Your frustration makes total sense given how hard you’ve worked.” This builds safety to open up.

Ask, don’t assume.

Avoid projecting your own reasoning onto their situation. Use empathetic curiosity to better understand their perspective.

Ask “What makes this so meaningful for you?” rather than “I bet you’re upset because…”

Express nonverbal empathy.

Warm eye contact, open posture and compassionate touch (if appropriate) demonstrate care beyond what’s verbally conveyed.

Emotional intelligence requires observing each interaction freshly rather than relying on past templates.

There are endless ways to tailor your communication to someone’s unique needs in the moment. Creatively combine verbal and nonverbal approaches.

The more you cultivate a mindset of empathetic listening and express it across diverse contexts, the more natural it will become. You’ll form stronger bonds and help others lighten their emotional burdens.

That’s the power of empathy.

© Buzzedison

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