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How To Rewrite your life's story By Starting With WHY

by Carlos Vettorazzi about a year ago in advice
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In your relationships, in work, and life


I have two questions I ask myself every day a soon as I get out of bed; 

-Why do you get up to face the world today? 

-Why don't you just take your own life? 

It may sound harsh and very depressing, but actually, I treat myself like someone I genuinely love. 

I take care of myself in all eras of life. 

That has not always been the case. 

For the first 30 years of my life, I told myself negative stories. 

From the second I woke up throughout the day, and the last thing before falling asleep, I was constantly telling myself one negative story after another.

One day I realized that the negative stories I was telling myself were detrimental to my well-being and success in life.

My first son was three years old at the time, and my heart broke into pieces every time I thought about the way I was imprinting him with all of my shortcomings. 

I had never noticed my stories until he came into my life. 

"I had told myself so many negative stories for such a long, that I had become blind to my false identity and all the destructive ways I was treating myself."

In my relationship, in work, and life.

I hadn't even bothered to check the validity of the narratives. 

What is the truth anyway? 

If you say you are terrible at something, and when you try it, you perform poorly, is that the truth?

My stories were constructs, creative my understanding of myself in this world that I believed to be accurate.

I had no idea why I was here in this world, what I wanted to do with my life or how to get started.

What if I could tell a different story, I thought to myself one day.

Maybe that would be worth perusing?

If you are serious about your personal development and expansion as a human being, start by questioning all the stories you tell yourself.

Our lives consist of stories and events that we co-create with others. 

Look around you; what are you creating every day in your relationships and work-life?

If you can't change the narrative, nothing you do will change how you see yourself.

Most Human Behavior Follows The Same Pattern

Whether you are transforming yourself, just getting started exercising, wanting to quit smoking, or changing the world, there's a pattern most people go through before they fail. 

-They start with what they want to accomplish.

-They make big plans on how to achieve it.

-Sometimes if they get lucky, the negative stories in their head quiet down for a while because they keep themself occupied.

This approach doesn't work because it's impossible to create a new story about your past that empowers you by focusing on what you will do without knowing why you are doing it.

Negative thoughts are habit loops in your brain, and to change any habit, you have to change your identity. 

So who do you create a new identity that not only empowers you but helps you build the life you want?

Let's find out!

It's Not WHAT You Do. It's WHY You Do It. 

On the surface, starting with WHAT can seem like it makes sense.

 Shouldn't I have a goal I want to accomplish before I set out to achieve it?

That is sound logic if what I want is driving by why I wanted. It is like driving without knowing where you are going or what you will do when you get there. 

Most people who set out to make changes do not know their reason why they want to make that change in the first place. 

Most change is not about change, and it is about not wanting to feel in a particular way.

It's not value-driven or driven by a specific why. 

The reason behind most changes is that we don't want to feel like this anymore. 

The Power Of Starting With WHY

When you start with WHY everything will follow.

Does that mean that you don't have to do the work?

Of course, not anything worth pursuing takes dedication and work. 

In my work as a nursing science teacher, there are days where I feel like giving up; in the afternoon, and I'm so exhausted that I go home straight to bed.

I get a good night's sleep, and the next day I wake up and know WHY I'm getting up, which inspires me to keep going for my students.

I know I'm here to challenge people and provide them with access to reliable, expert-quality information that will help them learn, grow, and reach their full potential.

The same goes for my writing, and I write to educate, empower, and enable people to be the best version of themselves. 

With a clear WHY, I have been able to push my mind, body, and spirit further than I thought possible.

Whatever your goal is, first ask yourself, "WHY?"

-WHY am I doing this?

-Do I believe it will bring me peace and happiness?

-Do I believe it will benefit my loved ones?

-Do I believe my why will make a constructive impact on the world?

Forget right or wrong answers, and they are only intentions and directions, values and action.

What matters is finding your own WHY that will motivate you to persevere through all of the obstacles you will face along the way.

You change the world by changing one person at a time, starting with yourself. 

If your WHY is clear and specific, the impact will come, and people will benefit from your effort. 

It's not always what you do or how big it is. 

Think about this whenever you doubt it; Many successful products and services will never help people find peace and live a meaningful life. 

It's the small things in life that generate the most change. 

A simple conversation with someone in need can save their life and inspire them to take action. 

Your why is where you start

Starting with why has inspired me to achieve my goals, helped me bounce back from failure time and time again.

When you know WHY you have to find the HOW. 

Start by seeking out people who can help you with the WHAT and HOW. If You're vulnerable enough to change your negative stories, nothing can stop you.

If not, your why will not be enough, and it will affect HOW you do the things you do.

Here are two strategies you can use to ensure you don't get stuck with why

Change the story, then practice the change.

There's a lot of science to back up the idea that it is simply not enough to change your negative stories.

Your brain, your body, and your soul is always looking for evidence.

That's why positive thinking or affirmations alone does not work without practice.

It would be best if you started a conversation by engaging your nervous system. When your actions are the same as your positive thinking or affirmations, that is where the magic begins to happen. 

When you change a negative narrative to a more constructive one but don't practice the new story, you're not creating any evidence to support your belief.

To believe in something is great; to practice it is even better.

Solid Belifsystems are the result of two things: 

-Your thinking 

-Your actions

Are you currently doing as you think and thinking as you are doing? 

Surround yourself with people who know HOW

Most people think that they need to know WHO to do things right away. 

If they don't get immediate feedback that indicates they are on the right track, they feel like a failure and give up.

That's the negative story talking. 

That's not you; that's the false self.

If you have a clear WHY you don't have to know HOW; the only thing you need to do is surround yourself with people who know HOW.

Seek out the best in the area in which you wish to excel.

Get a mentor, take a course online, read books.


People's most significant mistake when changing their negative stories is approaching them in the wrong direction. 

Before you focus on WHAT you want to change or accomplish in life, focus on your WHY.

If you don't know WHY you get out of bed every morning or why you are still alive, it's hard to change the negative stories.

Your WHY is your purpose and the reason to get out of bed every day. 

It's the driving force in your life. 

Your WHY is what motivates you to overcome the inevitable hard times along the way.

"Those who have a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'."

― Viktor E. Frankl

If left unchecked, my thinking will create a negative story about why I am a failure that quickly translates into a loss.

When we experience more losses than wins, chances are we give up. 

The wins in your life don't have to be big, as long as they aligned with your WHY.

Start small and be consistent. 

When we pursue goals without knowing WHY - it never works out in the end.

I challenge you; if you feel stuck in your life and want to find your purpose, start telling yourself a different story. 

Rewrite your life's story - , it's your story, start by finding your WHY

Keep creating yourself


About the author

Carlos Vettorazzi

Nursing science educator currently building a community that educates, empowers, and enables people to be the best version of themselves.

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