How to Love Your Luscious Life

I have not been having my favorite year. Like everyone else, I’ve been trying to make the best of it, but also like everyone else, I’ve had my own share of grief and discomfort. But I keep reminding myself that this year still counts. We’re still living it — even if we’re not quite living it in the way we wanted when the year first began.

As the months drag on and normality takes on new meaning, I’ve decided to focus on loving this luscious life. This one. Not last year’s adventures or next year’s plans. This is the year I’m living, and so instead of putting off my happiness for when everything goes my way, I’m learning to find my happiness regardless of outside circumstances.

Here are 11 ways we can learn to love this luscious life:

Get sensual.

When I say sensual, you might have immediately thought about sex. While sexuality is certainly one aspect of sensuality, getting sensual actually requires that we get in touch with all of our senses. Sex might be one way to do that, but we can also learn to tune in and be mindfully present in whatever we’re experiencing. Grounding ourselves to the Earth, actually tasting the food we eat without multitasking, feeling the texture of fabric against our skin, enjoying the scent of coffee in the morning, or listening to a favorite song can all be ways of having a sensual experience.

Clear the clutter.

Loving our luscious lives may be tough when everything feels messy. Our hair, our minds, our lives. Clearing the clutter isn’t just about cleaning house, organizing our workspaces, and tidying our cars. It’s also about cleaning out our inboxes, getting rid of clothes we hate wearing, deleting old contacts, and generally making more space in our minds and in our lives by getting rid of what doesn’t serve us.

Stake the vampires.

Okay, we probably don’t need to literally stake anyone, but we do need to ditch the energy vampires in our lives. We may not be able to get rid of a boss or coworkers who drain us of all happiness, but we can certainly choose not to spend time with relatives, friends, or acquaintances who leave us feeling depleted. We actually get to choose who to spend time with. While we can’t exactly make our children leave if they start acting as little vampires, we can teach them healthy boundaries and model self-care.

Treat yourself.

If we want to truly love our lives, it helps if we’re taking great care of ourselves. Drinking enough water, getting our bodies moving, eating well, and resting are all a part of living lives we actually enjoy. The body-mind connection is strong, and we can’t take care of one while neglecting the other.

Have sex.

Happily, this can be a one-player or multi-player experience. A particular relationship status is not required. Sex makes the list because it’s hard to enjoy our lives when we’re ignoring a basic human need. Making (good) sex a priority is a way to take care of ourselves and enjoy our lives.

Get a life.

I used to be surprised by the number of adults on dating apps who had no real interests. Is there anything more boring than trying to have a conversation with someone who expects you to provide all the subject matter? We really need to get a life if we want to enjoy one. We can explore hobbies that look like fun and generally have an active life without waiting for someone else to come along and entertain us.

Laugh, a lot.

Happiness is attractive, but it’s also good for our mental health. Laughing is a great way to boost our health and enjoy our lives. Making humor a priority can help us get through tough days and make the good days even better.

Get a clue.

If we really want to enjoy our luscious lives, we might want to figure out what it is we like. Being interested in other people is one way to learn more about the world around us. Reading books can also help achieve that end. Smart may be the new sexy, but diving into what we like and learning more about the world around us helps us become better humans.

Identify your people.

Loving our lives can be done all alone, but finding our people can certainly enhance the experience. Not only does having friends help with loneliness and social support, but it’s a wonderful experience to surround ourselves with people who vibe with us. This isn’t just about having an active social life. It’s about finding the people who are on the same level as we are and who share similar interests. These are the people we can relax and be ourselves around.

Work on your bucket list.

Too often, we keep the bucket list for later, assuming we have a lifetime to worry about it. If we want to enjoy our lives, we need to dust off that list and start making it happen. If we get serious about doing the things on the list, we may realize that some of the ideas we jotted down aren’t actually things we’re all that passionate about doing. Addressing the list now rather than later can help us clarify what we actually want to do and what sounded like a good idea in theory. Our luscious lives need us to live them now — not some other time in the future.

Create a fuck budget and stick to it.

Sarah Knight’s Magic of Not Giving a Fuck might be one of my favorite things. She talks about making a fuck budget and sticking to it — because we only have so many fucks to give to things in our lives. She even goes as far as to define what a “fuck” is in this context — the things we give our time, energy, and money. To enjoy our lives, we need to make sure that our time, energy, and money goes into the things we actually care about rather than wasting them on things we don’t.

I have not been in love with this year, but I am still falling in love with my life. It’s been a long journey. Five years ago, I was filing for divorce and watching the life I planned fall apart. Now, I’m actually living a dream I’ve had for as long as I can remember. I have a luscious life, and I am paying attention to it.

It’s not always easy. Some days, the best I can do is get out of bed and get through the day taking care of myself and my children. But I keep returning to gratitude. I keep reminding myself that a year of restrictions doesn’t mean we aren’t living this year. Time is still passing, and I’m not seizing the day. I’m just remembering that this time is mine, and I get to choose to spend it.