How To Heal

He had a power over me that kept me paralyzed at his side. 18 years I had put in with this man. The man I so thought would be my forever. He was mentally ill. Narcissistic Bipolar with Schitso-effective tendencies. I couldn't imagine life without him. I couldn't imagine not loving him with every fiber of my being regardless of how much he hurt me and broke my heart. No matter what, I took him back and accepted his lies. I didn't know then that I had trained him to know that I would accept his behaviors but I had by allowing it EVERY SINGLE TIME! Until the day I met the man that would later give me the most priceless life altering gift. He taught me how to heal and led me to the most beautiful relationship with my creator. It's funny now looking back because I thought of my self as a spiritual being and I thought I had a good relationship with God. In some sense I was right. I was spiritual and I did have a relationship with God I guess the way most aspiring good humans did. I remember praying one day that I would be the one to wake this already admirable new human in my life up. See he was the son of the preacher man and he lived by the power of prayer but was starting to question things in his faith. He came into my life at a very painful time for me. I couldn't remember the last time I felt the sensation of being happy or even hell, content. The connection was raw and very very real. We both felt it. It was undeniable. Like our soul's had known each other since the creation of time. We wouldn't stay together long at this time though. I went away for awhile. I was states away. We didn't talk for some time. I started having these visions of him. Visions he wasn't okay, visions of his light burning out. I had to get back to him. I had to see his face again. I called him and made arrangements to see him. I made my way to his state and we met face to face. It was the most amazing familiar energy. Right there in his presence was the only place I cared to be. We picked up like we had never been apart. I told him of my visions and asked him if he knew what was taking his light. He told me he did though he offered no explanation. It would be several more weeks before I would see him again. We made this crazy plan to go to Puerto Rico for a few weeks and things were aligning for this to actually take place. This man. This magnificent man and I have been on a beautiful journey since January, when we did actually go to Puerto Rico for two weeks to meditate. Since then we have traveled to Chicago and Atlanta among other places. This man and I have taught each other so much and continue to teach and grow with each other. The most beautiful thing is that he taught me how to heal. He taught me how to love myself unconditionally and he asked me questions that no one ever had. He asked me things like "What makes me happy, what inspires me, what am I passionate about." I didn't know the answers to these questions. No one had ever cared to ask me. These questions prompted me to look within and find the answers. The more I dug the more I was able to let go of my traumas and grow. I came to terms with the fact that the girl I thought I was I had never actually known. I peeled away at the layers of pain and decided who ever that girl was had passed away. I was okay with that because now I had the tools to become the person I was always meant to be. I was finally free to heal and become....well me. I want you to know that it doesn't have to be this way. You can heal. You can be happy. You don't have to hold on to the hurt. Your traumas don't have to define you. YOU CAN BE FREE! So I ask you now, on your side with meaning and emotion, What are you passionate about? What is it that truly makes your heart sing?