How to Forgive Someone Who Deeply Hurt You

I’m at a point in my life where I deeply value peace. At a different point, I was stuck in the mental/ emotional loop of heartbreak— far from a peaceful state of being. My days were literally mentally consumed with extremely unhealthy and unproductive thoughts stemming from profound betrayal. It wasn’t just my mind that felt the pain— my emotions (of course), but my body… my body reacted to the heartbreak in sheer malfunction. I could barely stomach anything due to constant nausea caused by orchestrated worst-case scenarios, confusion, looping memories and the “what-if”/ “if only” dialogue. I lost 12 pounds and not one pound did I feel proud of losing. At my lowest, I weighed 92 pounds. On many days, it felt as if I was barely surviving. I was sick— deeply heartsick. I couldn’t even think about the word forgiveness when I was going through this.

How to forgive someone who has deeply hurt you:

If I could tell you exactly how to forgive someone who has hurt you, I would. But I can’t, because forgiveness and healing do not come with a manual or checklist. What I can do is share what has helped me… Take from this article what you think will help your healing, and leave what does not resonate with you.

Something profound shifted within me recently… I thought about forgiveness for me, not for the person who caused the hurt. Below are the words that recently echoed within me. I had heard them once before but I wasn’t in a space to accept and integrate them. My wounds were too fresh at the time; I was focusing on the past and the pain, not all the progress I was making and what I deserve.

Forgive. Not because they deserve to be forgiven, but because you deserve peace.

I was done feeling like a depressed zombie barley experiencing my own life. I hated feeling nauseous from the second I woke up to the moment I went to bed. I was tired of being stuck in a mental/ emotional loop. And I was fed up with the lingering heavy emotional energy. None of these things were healthy nor productive. They stunted my creativity, energy and intuition— all things I deeply value and constantly nourish. The moment I shifted my perspective on forgiveness is when I felt the lingering heavy energy loosen its grip on me.

These are the pivotal points in my healing that have helped me shift my perspective:

• I had deeply felt my emotions to the point where I was absolutely done wanting to feel them. I held space for grief, confusion, anxiety, anger, profound sorrow, thoughts that literally hurt to think about and much more.
• I journaled about my pain.
• I accepted my reality and validated my feelings.
• I found compassion for the person who hurt me— for their low level/ lack of awareness.
• I was patient with myself.
• I made a decision that I was done feeling like this.
• I made a commitment to grow through this pain and experience.

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I want you to know that this wasn't a short or easy journey for me. I don’t expect anyone’s healing to be on any sort of timeline. Something you may not see right now that I do is that… you’re not going through a painful experience… you’re growing through a painful experience. I see you, I feel you, I understand and I am sorry. You’re going to be more than just fine, I swear it. I hope you took something from my own reflection that will help your own healing. Be patient, know you deserve peace and commit to growth from the past.

With so much love,

Stephanie Daily