How Living in a Residential Facility Has Changed My Life For the Better

On August 1st 2018, my life changed for the better of my mental health and future. After being on the waiting list for a 1-bedroom apartment from June 2017-May 2018, I finally received the positive news: I would be moving out from my family home for the first time. When my dad found out I was off the waiting list, and informed me of the possibility of moving out in the summer of 2018, he called me as I was out in the community dog walking. After he notified me, my heart pounded in excitement. This was going to be a huge change for me, but it was for the best of my mental health and future. As the weeks went by, I began to experience intrusive thoughts and a few mental health episodes in which I would cry, have trouble sleeping, perseverate on the same worry, and experience full-on panic attacks. That being said, the feelings of excitement, joy, nervousness, sadness, and disbelief didn't vanish until August 1st 2018, when I moved into my own apartment in an apartment complex for people with different abilities.

For the first few nights, my dad and mom stayed overnight to help me transition smoothly. They didn't want me to be by myself for the first few nights of living on my own, and I'm grateful that I had the opportunity of staying with my parents for a few nights until I felt more comfortable on my own. My dad and I cooked a batch of breaded chicken together, took a trip to Longos to get groceries, got take-out from a kosher burger restaurant, invited my step-mother over for dinner one night, and had some quiet moments together at night. When my mom visited, she and I had some meaningful moments together. We took a shopping trip to Walmart, she taught me how to cook eggs on the stove, and took me out for an all-you-can-eat Sushi meal.

It wasn't until later in the first week of my transition into independent living that I received my first set of supports from a DSP (Direct Support Professional). Even if I felt a tiny bit of apprehension towards my assigned DSP, I was at least familiar with her from past experiences. Before moving in, I attended the residential respite program, and she happened to work a couple shifts around that time. My first experiences with her were extremely pleasant. She gave me some basic cleaning tips, taught me how to cook, do my laundry, make my bed properly, clean my apartment, and we've had some purposeful conversations. Once I've learned all the techniques of independent living, she didn't have to supervise me as much and it felt rewarding to not depend on people as much! It's what I've wished for all those years and I finally got it in August 2018.

Furthermore, there were other things about my independent living path that have changed my life for the better. It was going to be a journey with some bumps in the road, but it was worth it. I would like to share some things that I've practiced, realized, and learned over the years.

Gratitude

I may not believe it in times of adversity, but there is always something for me to be grateful for in life. Coming into a place like where I currently reside in gives me lots of opportunities and little things to be thankful for like having a vast yard where I can hang out in, a gym next door that I can visit for my workouts, a spacious and colourful apartment, new friends, friendly staff, a chance to learn and grow, and being close to local amenities like the grocery store. Over a period of time, I realized that I’m in the best place possible. Some people can’t afford to live in a residential facility like mine. Some people don’t have homes, supportive families, adequate funds to pay for their living expenses, meaningful friendships, and wonderful chances to earn a college diploma, so I’m grateful to have all of those things that some people don’t have or can’t afford.

Disability is not Inability

Whether you're living with Autism or not, nobody is the same. The residents in my building have all kinds of disabilities that affect them in different ways. The good thing about that is, I get to appreciate the special gifts and talents they have, and the ways they cope with their own challenges. It's easy to generalize, but we all have to appreciate that people function, live, and communicate differently. Many of my neighbours and friends have mental illnesses, developmental disabilities, physical disabilities, and medical conditions in which they rely on a tracheonomy to assist their breathing. Despite some of the more severe circumstances that my neighbours and peers are in, they are able to live life to the best of their abilities, and I have the opportunity to appreciate that. Disability is not inability. We are all smart, successful and worthwhile in our own novel ways.

Looking after my physical/mental health

Before I moved out of my parents home, I was struggling with both my mental and physical health. I've had major challenges with binge eating which resulted in significant weight gain, as well as extreme degrees of stress which resulted in the lack of ability to properly regulate my emotions. As I continued to grapple with my health, I said to myself, "Once I move out of my family home, I'm going to be dedicated to improving my physical and mental health. It is not going to happen overnight, but I will be more willing to do so than ever before". As the months progressed into my independent living journey, I've slowly started to make changes to my diet. The diet reduced my levels of stress, as well as risks of having meltdowns. Although I've had my moments from time to time, my health was much better than when I was living with my parents. I had control of what I put into my kitchen, as well as the activities that I'll be doing on a daily basis. I felt more peaceful, and the arguing and fighting with my parents diminished. I'm grateful that I'm in a peaceful, supportive, engaging, and safe environment, which has had a positive impact on my health over the last two and a half years.

Dealing with multiple personalities

Believe it or not, I'm still working to improve my ability to deal with different personalities. Living in a facility in which people, including staff and tenants have unique ways of communicating and behaving can be pretty complicated. It takes work and effort to have the capacity to handle peoples ways of functioning, even if it is frustrating. When I was living with my mom and dad, one of my weaknesses was navigating different personalities. As a result, my mom and dad would need to step in and explain to certain people what I needed, so I wouldn't have to have too many problems dealing with challenging situations. For example, when I would visit the nail salon to get my waxing done, my mom would need to clarify to the esthetician my needs, instead of me trying to explain to them. Some of them had trouble communicating in English, and the language barrier made it difficult for me to express my needs to them. My mom would need to explain, to reduce the stress I was having. Now that I'm living independently, I'm encouraged to navigate different personalities autonomously and successfully. It was a huge discomfort at first, but then it became easier and easier over time. I still have some work to do, but working on it independently is helping me in the long run. The building I live in is a perfect place to practice these essential social and communication skills.

Life is too short, live life to its fullest

In time of distress, it's easy for me to not want to live or function appropriately. That being said, I'm totally capable of talking myself out of my feelings, urges I may have, and diverting my attention to more productive, meaningful, worthwhile and healthy coping mechanisms. When I was younger, I felt the necessity to do things that I didn't and wanted to do, because I was afraid of losing friends, people not liking me, getting in trouble, and not being accepted for who I was. For example, I felt pressured to be respond to every text message, to avoid getting into a conflict with one of my friends. Over a period of time, I've had to realize that it is not my issue if people don't agree with the choices I make, and that I can't allow that to impact my mood and life. In fact, I'm still doing some work in this particular area, so I don't have to feel stressed, despondent, angry, and upset when someone doesn't agree with me. Moving into a building like where I am, is enabling me to pick my own battles. There are things, people, activities, and foods that I don't enjoy. I have to be confident and intelligent enough to pick my own battles. In other words, this building has given me the opportunity to give myself time to mature, learn, grow, shine, and enjoy the company of my neighbours, without worrying about the negative consequences that "might happen and that won't happen". Life is too short, I can't worry about every little thing someone thinks and says about my life.