How I'm Practicing Self-Love 

Being an American comes with a lot of perks, but also with a cultural downfall. We are obsessed with productivity. And when the main goal of a culture is to produce more, other things fall by the wayside.

I lived in Italy for two years when I was going to graduate school. It was a dream come true: lush greenery surrounding me like a canopy and handsome Italians scattered all around the streets, yelling, laughing, or playing soccer. This experience immersed me in a different culture where I learned the language and the customs. From these two years, I learned a solid lesson that I'm facing off with right now.

Italians are very passionate creatures by nature. (Just ask my ex-boyfriend, who told me he wasn’t yelling, although that was arguable—and boy, did we argue about it.) This was made very clear to me through watching, but also through their words. There's no doubt about it: pleasure is a high priority for them. This can be seen in their love for food, alcohol, sex, and 90s music - what they adoringly refer to as "trash music."

This makes perfect sense that a country so strongly based around pleasure would also be less focused on productivity. In my little town in Tuscany, a place I still call home, there were scarce a person on the streets or at work from 2–4 p.m. since they were all inside taking a nap or eating or having sex - or rather, in Italian fashion, all three at the same time. 

It’s strange that just a trip over the Atlantic, with most people descendants from Europe, can have such a different mindset. As an entrepreneur and an American, I find myself with a constant dilemma: produce or die. Maybe that's hyperbole, but that's what it certainly feels like. Since my income depends on my output, if I'm not constantly producing in this 'social-media-news-feed-style-life-where-yesterday-is-already-antiquated' society, then I feel as if I am not working hard enough.

This becomes an ever-present mentality that penetrates every thought I have and every action I take. I struggle to relax and definitely lack in finding the pleasures of life. If I reach a target, the bullseye gets relocated, farther away and smaller until it almost can’t be seen. Every goal is just another step on the way to the top. Rather than taking the time to enjoy it, I overlook the achievement because it's not the ultimate goal.

But what exactly is the ultimate goal? Is it success? Well, that is subjective and likely to change and shift. Is it money? Well, that will come and go. Or is it happiness? Well, yes.

Everything I do and strive to achieve is for this search for happiness. I'm hoping to reach a point where I feel satisfied and content, and yet, I watch as my life passes me by without actually partaking in life and the pleasures that it can bring.

So I'm working on seeking more pleasure in life. No, I'm not talking about nihilism, I'm talking about authentic pleasure. Such as smelling the air of freshly roasted veggies, savoring a piece of dark chocolate, or allowing myself to sit and relax and watch football, rather than always feeling tied to my laptop.

It's a choice. I get to decide where I put my focus and what thoughts I fixate on. I may struggle with the constant nagging sensation that I'm not doing enough and I need to work harder, but after watching Italians party, I'm learning that work only goes so far, then comes pleasure.