How I Deal With My Guilt

What is guilt? And why is it that it is one of the few things that everyone has but keeps it a secret? According to Wikipedia: Guilt is a cognitive or an emotional experience that occurs when a person believes or realizes—accurately or not—that he or she has compromised his or her standards of conduct or has violated a universal moral standard and bears significant responsibility for that violation.[1] Guilt is closely related to the concept of remorse. I have come to realize that I was living in an automated version of stock, I would call it. To get into a more in-depth explanation, I could classify my life as a day trader. As humans, we spend so much time focusing on things that don't necessarily matter. I used to be obsessed with watching Bravo housewives; I watched every season, every episode. I wanted that life, but I did not necessarily know where or how to get it. Life is like a tide; your mood sways like breathing. One day I want to be successful, the other I am trying to keep my head above the imaginary ocean of water. It is so difficult to stay focus with a life full of distractions. I have always figured out a way to remain relevant and up to date. I enjoy watching people interact. I spent so many years like a zombie getting from point A to B. See, here's what I know, there are several types of people. People born with moral codes, others that developed it from experiences and their hurt, and finally, the OTHERS. The others are people who alter their views of the world and their surroundings. At the moment I would classify myself today as developed guilt from my experiences. The only difference between the rich and poor is; drive, dedication, patience, knowledge, networking (relationships), and finally the understanding of money. Guilt is a choice, and i know some people may read this and say it's not. But it's your guilt stopping you from understanding what I am trying to explain to you in this second. Life is like an unlimited amount of flowers, they are everywhere. When you finally pick your flower and remove the first petal, life reveals itself to you. Last year i was a regular person myself, appearing open but closed. Listening, but not hearing. Speaking, without knowledge. When I first saw The Matrix, I always thought I was Trinity, because I love so hard. I had no idea why I never saw myself as the leading person. I think most people never amount to their true potential because of fear. I call it the "fear of actually succeeding." Like most people, we spend, spend, spend. Every year we wonder why our lives are not improving. We never actually take a step back and evaluate the things what it is we actually want. I have one of the biggest guilty consciences. I can rip anyone apart with words and then smile. But if/when I actually feel like I hurt someone, it bothers me. See, to me, guilt is worse than fear simply because fear occurs and you have a much easier choice to panic and make a decision. But, guilt hits you internally brewing like a bottle of turkey hill half & half lemonade. I remember vividly I did my usual and spoke too much "truth" about a colleague marriage, also to note there were other colleagues present also giving their own opinions. Days later the individual blocked me from social media LOL. No one can prepare you for the small window of emotions you experience when you someone who has no significance "to you" blocks you on social media. I felt something—I guess it was remorse—and then carried on with my life. Moral of the story is: I altered my guilt because I did a quick pros and cons of what the goal of blocking me on social media meant to my direct life and decided to carry on. Why wallow in guilt? You are in control of what is okay and what is not.

How to start? Talk to yourself more; you have been an employee to yourself. Start taking control. Your thoughts and voices are just what they are. If you acknowledge them and feed into the story you create, it will only make you unhappy, stressed, and depression is next.