How Body Mods Helped Me Find Myself

Growing up in a strict household meant I could only do what my parents said and what they expected and wanted me to do, not what I wanted to do. I had always heard that tattoos, piercings, and other body modifications made people ‘ugly’, ‘freaks’, and many more derogatory and vulgar names. I never quite understood why, especially when I started doing something menial like dying my hair. It wasn’t the Family Hair, as a matter of fact, I’ve never heard of such a thing.

Dying my hair red was the first time I dyed my hair and I absolutely loved it. I loved the new look, I adored how I looked and my fifteen year old self was happy. My stepfather never approved of it, and when I got my nose pierced he said, “The only reason I’m letting you do this is so I can see you in pain’. A great thing for a family member to say to a child, right? That’s one thing that’s always stuck with me, almost five years later.

Now, I laugh at his words. I’m nearly twenty and have twelve piercings, none of which have hurt (although in general, industrials are a pain). I vividly remember being fifteen and sitting in the piercing chair, my stepfather in the door with his arms crossed, ready for me to start crying. I didn’t. I barely felt the needle or the jewelry.

With all of my tattoos, piercings, and coloured hair, I feel like I’m becoming the person I want to be, and the person that I would have looked up to as a child. Having many mental disorders one of which being depression, I struggle with how I look and how I see myself. Getting these modifications is a way for me to express myself, as I’m never sure how to especially with words and communicating with people. Personally, I feel better about myself when I get new and exciting things done.

As a teenager, I constantly heard the phrase “Treat your body like a temple”, which didn’t make sense because temples decayed, right? My first though to that was to just leave my body the same and grow old without having any ‘fun’ with my life and doing what I truly wanted. So, rationally, when I started getting body modifications, I was simply treating my body like the temple I so desired to look like. The better analogy I have learned is ‘your body is a forest’, meaning you are ever growing, changing, and evolving. New things grow from dead things, new ink covers a body, different designs can cover old designs. Having art on my body made me feel almost content.

I still struggle with my body image but with each piercing and tattoo I get I’m slowly learning to love myself more for who I am. Not only do body mods help my self esteem, dyeing my hair has done wonders for my self esteem. When I dyed my hair orange and pink, I absolutely loved it. Sure, I got plenty of odd glances from older people but I also had small children tell me that they loved my hair and how bright it was. Now my hair is black and pink, soon to be black and green thanks to my favorite season, Halloween, coming up soon.

In conclusion, do what you want with your body. There is no point in trying to fit into the societal norm or fitting into your families/peers version of you. It’s a huge learning process and I still have so much to learn not just about life but about myself. Don’t try to be someone you’re not and staying in a body that you’re not comfortable with. Want an eyebrow piercing? Do it. Want a crazy big tattoo? Do it. Want to dye your hair a bright colour? Do it. Live your truth.