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Holding on

But knowing when to let go

By H MartinPublished 5 years ago 4 min read
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We all want something to hold. As children we hold on to our parents hands, little trinkets we find, anything that makes our little hearts feel happy. As we grow up, we get bigger, our dreams get bigger, our hands get bigger and can hold more, and most importantly our hearts get bigger, and need more to keep them full and satisfied. As a kid we need a group of other kids our age to keep us happy and feel loved. We want our friends to play with and keep us entertained. It's pretty simple. But as we grow older, we need more out of our friends. We need them to hold our hands when we get heart broken, feed our cats while we're away for the weekend, or pour us more wine while we vent about the latest bullshit our boss has decided to put us through at work. Maybe we don't need a large group of friends like we used to, but we all need at least one close friend that's there for us whenever we need them. We need those friends to come over to visit us in our homes we now also now need. A home that gives us shelter, a sense of comfort and belonging. It helps us hold belongings that we now need to help us feel as though we have a place in the world. We have a place to keep possessions that remind us of our past. It just seems like the older we get, the more we seem to hold on to. Grudges, memories, anxieties, good things and bad alike, we just hold on to it. At least once a year I need to go through my apartment and clean it of all the things I've accumulated through the year that I just for some reason can't seem to get rid of. I have pictures on my phone that I just can't seem to delete, even though I have 23 versions of it with varying light levels. They have entire shows about how we hold on to everything. Some people hoard actual trash, because sometimes, to them, it makes them feel whole. We just, hold on.

When I went through my divorce, even though it was my choice to separate, and I was doing it for my own good, I still had such a hard time figuring out how to let go of my marriage. I had to let go of not only the bad memories, but some of the good memories too. I had to learn how to enjoy the good things, but let go of them, and accept that unfortunately, the good was going away alongside the bad.

We try so hard to cling to everything that we can get our hands on. For good reason though. Life is rough, we need to keep the good close to our hearts for the rainy days. We hold on to dreams we've had since children, hoping that one day we fulfill them. Complete our goals, fulfill our destinies. We hold on to hopes that the person we love will love us back. We hold on to the hope that it's just a bad time right now, and one day they'll be ready to take the next step.

But at the end of it all, there's only so much room in our home. Our hearts can only hold on to so many things. We need to spring clean. We need to let go of the clutter. It's hard to go through our closets and admit that those shirts we bought last year just don't fit anymore, or maybe they're just not in style anymore and we love to keep up with trends so just don't wear them anymore anyways. We need to clear room so there's room to keep moving forward in life. I can't get a new couch if I don't make room for it by getting rid of the old one. It may be gross now, but I have good memories of fun nights spent with friends and family there okay? Most importantly, we need to learn how to let go of the clutter in our heads and hearts, so we can move on with our lives. If we don't let go, our lives remain at a standstill.

I couldn't move on with my life until I let go of my marriage, I can't move on from the relationship I had following my divorce until I let go of it. I couldn't accept my sexuality until I was able to let go of the homophobic ideas I had hung on to through my teenage years. I couldn’t accept myself for who I am, until I was ready to let go of the idea of who I should be. I couldn’t be myself until I let go of what everyone else thought of me. I had to stop holding on to what the world wanted me to be. The only way to live a life without regret, is to let go.

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About the Creator

H Martin

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