Heritage to Self-Care and Everything in Between: A True Story

Seven-year-old Jessica exploded into her Auntie’s house at a dead run. She knew Auntie was trying to have some quiet time; therefore, she had sent all the kids outside to play; but as was normal, Jessica was having issues with her cousins.

Auntie looked up from the work she was doing and gazed into the teary deep chocolate eyes of her young niece. She was unsure what had occurred this time but was positive it had to do with her female cousins, one of whom was her own daughter. Jessica was regularly at odds with them and often came in looking for solace. Auntie put down her needle and turned, giving her full attention to Jessica.

“What is it this time my dear?” Auntie inquired gently.

“They all left me. I don’t know where they went.” Came Jessica’s defiant reply. “I don’t care though. I don’t like them anyway; I would rather be alone.”

Auntie chuckled softly, seeing the fire lighting up inside her niece. This was the normal course of things, sadness to defiance to calm. “I do not think you don’t like them. I think you had your feelings hurt and are sad and angry at them. Is that really it?”

Jessica looked down at her dusty shoes and nodded. Auntie always knew what was happening and managed to make things better.

“Why don’t you come here and get a hug, then maybe we can find you a popsicle to have, while they are out doing their thing. How does that sound?”

A small smile came across Jessica’s face and she rushed into the open arms of Auntie. As she was soaking in the comforting hug, she looked over at the table. Jessica saw an assortment of beads, thread, needles, scissors, and a loom. On the loom was a beautiful design. A design she had seen many times on Auntie’s regalia. Jessica was at once entranced by what sat in front of her.

“What are you doing Auntie? What is all this stuff?” Jessica questioned in awe.

“I am making new accents for my regalia. The ones I have on are starting to break. I thought while you kids were out playing, I would start on the new ones, so I can fix my regalia before Pow Wow gets here. Are you interested in how to do this?”

Jessica nodded her head excitedly. “It is beautiful! I want to do this too. Can we do it together?” Jessica asked animatedly.

“Of course, we can. Let me get you a loom and show you how to start.”

From there a fire was lit. Jessica continued to work on her beadwork while at home, away from Auntie. She spent time every summer working with Auntie on new techniques, when the kids were sent for their regular visits. Jessica listened to stories from Auntie, about how she learned from Jessica’s great-grandmother and her aunties and now it was being passed down again, from generation to generation.

Jessica felt a sense of pride and belonging, knowing Auntie was passing this down to her, that she was part of something that had spanned so many years, to be connected to her family and ancestors through craft and stories.

After the annual summers to Auntie’s stopped, Jessica continued with her beadwork, practicing the different styles of loom, off loom, peyote stitch, and lazy stitch, trying her hand at designing her own patterns. The love of this craft grew in her heart.

18-year-old-Jessica left home after graduating from high school, she had enlisted in the United States Air Force and went off to basic training, technical school, and her initial base. Jessica was not able to bring any of her beloved bead working supplies with her and after finally settling at her permanent base found there was no space to store these additional supplies in the barracks. Jessica missed being able to do her beadwork and often thought back to her time with her Auntie and longed for the connection beadwork gave her with home. The place she was stationed was the polar opposite of her home and she felt isolated from what made her whole.

After some time, Jessica moved from active duty to the Air National Guard. This meant a move back home for Jessica, her own home outside the barracks and a re-connection to everything she had been missing and a reunion with her beadwork.

During the move Jessica gave birth to her own daughter and was soon making regalia for her, this incorporated and brought back the wonder of creating with beadwork.

“Mommy, can I have flowers, pretty ones like outside, on my dress?” Jessica’s daughter begged with wide pleading eyes.

Jessica smiled down at her daughter. “Of course, my love. Do you want butterflies also?”

“Oh yes!” Squealed Jessica’s daughter in delight, while clapping her hands in excitement. “Can I sit with you at the table and watch?” Pleaded the young girl.

“I would love nothing more honey.” Jessica responded with a full heart. She loved spending these moments with her daughter.

Jessica designed and beaded patterns onto her daughter’s ribbon-dresses, made matching jewelry and barrettes and introduced her daughter to beadwork as she grew, giving her a place in the passing of history.

Once Jessica’s daughter was old enough to do her own beadwork, Jessica no longer needed to work on pieces for her regalia.

One of the pieces Jessica was most proud of was a wall hanging she designed and completed in lazy stitch as a retirement gift to her commanding officer. Jessica had the utmost respect for this man, and in her opinion, he was the best commander she had ever served under. To her, he was worth the time and dedication a piece like this would take. Jessica painstakingly worked out a cross with a caduceus wrapping up it as the main center piece and had the markings of their unit around the edges. When Jessica gifted this piece to her commander, tears came to his eyes, tears of appreciation and gratitude.

With that positive experience under her belt, Jessica began to dabble in areas outside regalia and jewelry, she started making more wall-hangings, bookmarks, and personalized gifts for people she knew well. Jessica did not spend as much time as she would have liked to with beadwork due to the demands of juggling civilian work in the medical field, which meant long workdays, continued military work in the guard, and raising a child on her own.

36-year-old-Jessica gave birth to her second child, a boy this time. As this child grew Jessica and his father noticed some deficiencies in his development. These observations ended up being the start of months of testing and appointments. Eventually Jessica’s son was placed into special schooling and began therapies, during this time Jessica retired from the military, which was beneficial because one of the parent’s needed to stay home with the child. There were no specialized daycare facilities to assist in watching him and family was not available to help in this endeavor.

After discussions between Jessica and her son’s father, it was decided Jessica would stay home with their son. Jessica had an alternate source of income, which the other parent did not. It made the most sense.

Staying home, being newly retired and having a child with special needs was a lot for Jessica. She was used to being busy, having a job and homelife that was fulfilling, watching over her unit members, even during times when training was not happening. She was used to being needed and now, that went away. Jessica felt lost and at times overwhelmed adapting to this new life.

Jessica’s son was eventually diagnosed with autism and a language disorder. While this explained many of his behaviors, it was still an uphill climb to learn how to effectively deal with the behaviors and cope with the physical, emotional, and mental fatigue it brought on not only for herself, but her son and the rest of her family. One resource they found helped their son, was a sensory bin, where he could run things like rice, sand, or beans through his hands.

After getting her son down to bed one night, Jessica ventured upstairs. She sat back in her chair at her worktable and looked around her. Recently Jessica had been spending more time with wire and beaded jewelry making, than with beadwork. She felt an emptiness. As she looked around her space, her eyes fell to her kit, specifically for her beadwork, she reached out and lifted it to her lap. She opened the lid and an excitement; she had not felt in a long time washed over her. It was as if Christmas had come early as she took out her treasures from inside.

This was the start of self-care for Jessica. After her son went down for the night, Jessica would escape and lose herself in her world of creation. It was so nice to see forward, positive progress when finishing with her work for the night, she felt a resetting of her senses and emotions. She reflected on her times with her auntie and her daughter, Jessica was re-centered with each piece she made.

Jessica’s son, one evening while she was working, snuck out of bed and made his way to his mother’s work area. Jessica sat her son on her lap while she continued to work. Jessica noticed her son enjoyed the feeling of the beads, so she put some in a bowl and allowed him to play with them. For half an hour the two sat in their worlds of contentment, both re-grounding from the stressors of the day through beadwork and beads.

The pinnacle of Jessica’s work came, when a cousin passed, well before his time. With his passing, Jessica thought back to the first time she had been introduced to him. He had grown up outside the tribal area and was attempting to locate his family within the tribe. Amazingly enough his correspondence was routed through Jessica’s mother. Soon a pin pal relationship started since this cousin was stationed in Japan. Jessica and her cousin spoke about school, hobbies, with a big emphasis on beadwork, the tribe and anything else that came to mind. The time came, her cousin decided to take leave and visit, he came during Pow Wow, which was amazing. Jessica was able to share with him the beadwork she had made, and teach him some basic loom techniques, she had been taught.

A year or so after his visit, Jessica’s cousin had made her a choker, he had designed and beaded an eagle head, to wear with her regalia. For 20 years Jessica cherished the choker sent to her from her cousin. The cousin’s daughters had just started showing interest in their tribal ancestry and Jessica’s cousin had reached out asking her to send a picture of the choker he had made. She was more than happy to do as requested and was thrilled the girls were interested.

He left a wife and three daughters, they were strong, and heart broken. Jessica spoke with their mother to make sure her plan was acceptable and then got to work. She documented the design, then deconstructed the choker made for her by this cousin and sorted the beads into four piles. Jessica then re-beaded four chokers, each one contained beads from the original choker, and were re-created with his pattern. Jessica sent three of the chokers off to his daughters and kept one to remember him.

To Jessica her beadwork epitomizes her connection to heritage and culture, influencing young ones, celebrating those we care about and love, self-care and centering for a lost soul, healing for broken hearts and a way to express yourself. No wrongs, no rights, just beauty.