Hello, World... Remember Me?

In life, we are given many challenges, many obstacles to overcome and surpass. Some give us joy while others give us great success. I believe, like most people, that one of the biggest challenges can be how to deal with the pain and aftermath of a broken heart.

About a year and a half ago, I believed I was with the "love of my life." We had just moved in together, and were planning for the future with our older children, and we were deeply in love. It's always a struggle to incorporate families together, but the kids seemed to take it in stride, and enjoyed the time together. It seemed like my little world had come full circle, and I had finally found bliss.

I never saw it coming.....

One evening, my world came crashing down around me! It started with a crazy argument I can't even explain, and my son and I were suddenly told to find a new home. I didn't understand. I didn't have words to convey the raw emotion I was feeling inside let alone the feelings of letting my son down. I was in complete and utter confusion and completely heartbroken!

As the days, weeks, and months wore on, I found myself slipping into an abyss of sadness, depression, and anger. I felt I had lost so much... a man I loved and was devoted to, children I adored, friends I had grown close to, and a family that meant the world to me.

I found that I suddenly became afraid to go outside or be in places where there were large groups of people. My social life was non-existent, and I started drinking to make myself fall asleep and shut off the world as I knew it.

We've all been there, but some moments are worse than others. You end up reading all the self-help books, listening to friends tell you how wonderful you are, put on the sad music, crawl under the covers, and just dwell in your own self-pity and despair.

So, where do we find the courage to go on? How do we overcome doubt, and feelings of worthlessness in a world that treated us so cold?

We look past the pain and SEE the world.

No one deserves to be treated badly or have feelings of betrayal. What happens in our lives is a direct result of the choices we've made, and the people we've chosen to be a part of our lives. Should we feel bad about it? NO! But, we should never forget the lesson we learned, and make better choices. Choices... that is the key.

We either choose to lay in bed and waste our days thinking about someone who broke our heart OR we choose to SEE the world and all it has to offer. It starts with gratitude and what a beautiful word that is!

I used to wake up, and my first thought was about "him" and what he did. The unanswered questions played over and over in my mind and nearly broke me. I grieved over this person until I realized that he was probably not grieving over me so I chose to no longer be grateful for a man that caused me pain, and begin a journey of gratitude for the things that bring me joy.

I began by taking a few sabbaticals whenever I had a chance. Nothing extravagant... One time I went to a friends cabin up north for three days, and another time I stayed at home with no TV, no phone, and no interruptions... just a chance to find peace, get closer to "my" God, to meditate and find myself, again. It was during one of these weekends that I suddenly became aware that I had given up music and found such joy in listening to all the songs that used to make me smile.

As I looked around within my own little world, it was obvious that I had a lot to be grateful for. My beautiful boys, my job, I had a roof over my head, food to eat, good friends, and a family who loved me. My heart was still healing, but I became more and more aware of what I had rather than what I didn't have.

I remembered a quote I once heard that stated, "Start everyday with a grateful heart." And so, it began.

From that day on I decided that choosing gratitude was the key to putting that positive energy out into the world, and deflecting the negative energy that had weighed me down for so long. With each new day, I wake up and look at the trees outside my bedroom window and whisper, "I am grateful."

It is amazing how different the world looks through eyes of gratitude. Your day starts off better as you walk through your morning routine just whimsically saying, "I am grateful" to whatever you see before you. Your sleeping child? The smell of fresh coffee? The privilege of hot water, and a warm breakfast? It doesn't matter how big or small... just believe that what you DO have is bigger, brighter, and more important than what you don't have.

Let go of what's causing you pain, and embrace the things that bring you joy with an open heart full of gratitude. It's ok to lose yourself once in a while... Sometimes we just forget who we are.

I know that as you take this journey and see all the joy that this world has to offer, you will wake up one morning, look in the mirror, and finally say... "Welcome back."

Peace...