Have an Honest Conversation with the Person in the Mirror
Bold Steps to Self Improvement
Let’s Start Here, Shall We?
I am sure that most who read this will think that the title of this post is, in some way, a metaphor; it’s not. We are going to be talking in literal terms; actually, talking to the person you see looking back at you in the mirror. Yes, if you do this out loud, like you should, then, well; you are going to feel a little silly. Despite that uncomfortable and silly feeling, you will find that it helps.
Think of it this way; if you can’t have an honest conversation with yourself, how do you expect to have one with other people? Truth is; we all talk to ourselves. We speak to ourselves in our heads, every second, of every day; we call it “thinking.” Some of us, in fact, even do talk to ourselves out loud at times; hence he term, “thinking out loud.” As you read through this post, it is important that you view these suggestions as “talking to yourself” and not “thinking out loud.” You are not thinking out loud; you are actually speaking honestly to yourself. There is a difference; and wrapping your head around that, is the first step.
Face the Pain and Place the Blame
While standing in front of the mirror, accuse yourself of everything you’ve done that was a negative in your life. Yes, everything! Do not only accuse the person in the mirror of the big things; chastise them for the little things as well. There is no holding back allowed, either. Didn’t take the trash out, even though you know you should? Accuse the reflection of that too. As I said; everything.
Get out all of the anger, frustration, disappointment, rage, confusion, and every other emotion you feel toward that person staring back at you. Tell them in exact words how they have hurt you and how they have let you down in the greatest and smallest of ways. This gets out all of the negative emotions you are already feeling inside toward yourself, but also, and equally as important; it forces you to take responsibility for your own mistakes. It forces you to admit and then face your part in the things that have gone wrong. No more victimization or blaming external forces for the things you have control over.
Do not sugar coat anything. Also, do not mix any two together. Remember; no holding back, though, keep it verbal only. Be sure to use full sentences for each mistake and negative emotion. Use sentences such as:
“You hurt me when you____”
“I hate that you____”
“I am disappointed how you___” or “I am disappointed every time you___”
“You screwed up_____ by ____”
Get it all out. As complicated or complex as it may sound; you need to say it and hear it at the same time. Try to hear it, as though it were a friend or family member saying it to you. After all; you are a part of your own family.
Take a Breath
Once you have gotten it all out; it’s time to take a breath for a moment. Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose, and out through your mouth. Do this at least a few times; depending on how worked up you’ve gotten. By this point, you may even be a little surprised by just how worked up you are. Chances are; you had a lot more to let out than you ever realized you would. If that is the case, just know; that’s okay.
Power in Self-Forgiveness
Now, you reach the crucial, but perhaps the hardest part. Slowly and in as soft of a tone of voice as you like; begin using full sentences to forgive yourself. Tell the person in the mirror that you forgive them for each of the mistakes and negative feelings you have expressed. Though the tone and intention is much different; you still are not holding back. Even if you can’t remember everything that you accused yourself of a moment ago; one by one, forgive yourself for each one that you do remember.
Just as before, be sure to use full and clear sentences as you tell the person in the mirror that you forgive them for each mistake or negative aspect. Use sentences such as:
“I forgive you for hurting me when you ___”
“I forgive you for doing (or not doing) ____”
“I forgive you for disappointing me by ____”
Keep going with similar sentences. If you can no longer remember the rest of the things you expressed anger about, don’t try to rack your brain for them. Instead; change to generalized sentences. First name out at least a few, but, once you have reached that point, you can change to sentences such as:
“I forgive you for disappointing me.”
“I forgive you for hurting me.”
“I forgive you for the mistakes you’ve made.”
Mostly; just be sure to spend as much time forgiving yourself as you feel you need. You will feel it when you’ve reached a point inside of sensing that you have at least begun to forgive yourself.
Don’t Forget. Change
The old saying, “forgive and forget” does not apply here. Never forget. Instead; tell yourself the changes you are going to make. Avoid words like, “I want” or “I’ll try” as you go through each new promise. Instead; use phrases such as, “I will” and “I am.” Each of your promises should be present tense and have a feeling of it is already as good as done. The old you is gone and these things that you are saying to the person in the mirror are more descriptions of the new reality you live in. You are not “going” to be that person you want to be; now you “are” that person you wanted to be.
Using the same rules and methods; promise each thing to yourself. Tell the person staring back at you, just how it is now. Lay down the law in positive sentences. These sentences will be things such as:
“I love you and now I show it more.”
“I am proud of the person you became today.”
“I’m excited to see the things you are about to accomplish.”
“Now; we take care of each other the right way.”
Honest and Important Closing Thoughts
Okay; yes, it’s cheesy to say the least. However; you need to hear yourself say these things. You need to know they are true. You face your negative thoughts and mistakes. You’ve owned them and accepted accountability for them. Now; that’s all gone and you start over with this new, forgiven, version of yourself.
This must be said, but, if you have a mental illness or mental condition that may prevent you from being able to get through the forgiveness and change stages; then don’t try this. Getting lost in the accusing stage, is not what you want. That would be unhealthy. If that is the case; please see a specialist if you haven’t. Continue seeing a specialist if you are already involved with one. The whole point is to get yourself to the best version of yourself. The most honest, realistic, balanced, and stable version of yourself. No matter if it is through using this method, or talking a specialist; accepting your accountability in the negative things; and then forgiving and correcting, are vital to your health and happiness.
I wish for you; the greatest of luck and the best of days. Thank you for reading.