Hard Road

I have been standing on the road, beginning of my path, looking at my long journey ahead of me, wondering?, how will my life be, how many turns, up's and down's, not knowing can be a scary thing.

I begin my way down as my journey begins as, I am faced with peer pressures, hard choices, wondering if it will lead me to a good life or life of destruction, a lot of times I would sit and wondering if I made the right choice's, often I am left wondering if I can go back and do a re-do, it turns out I can't, I am now living with, what if I could have done this or that, and I know that we are all left with that question,(Can I go back?).

I have had many relationships some good, some bad, some why did I, no matter on who I meet or who I was with, I have learned experience's and gained wisdom, opening my eyes of what I missed.

I have experienced abuse of all kinds and I still have nightmares about it, what I have learned how to deal with it, is not only counselling helps for me it only helped in a little bit of way only to bounce ideas off, so here is my theory of what helps.

Writing a letter, let all your tears, your hard ship, your pain fall into the letter you want to write, it could be long or short after seal it and burn it, say a prayer, the smoke that goes up, the message will go to the one you miss the one you love, they will receive your message, go to a favorite place the person likes to go, spend sometime there and say what you need to with a candle lite, send up a balloon with a letter in side, it reminds me message in the bottle.

Second theory of what helps is meditation with your favorite song with no cell phones or t.v. going only peace and quite and just let your thoughts go and remember the all the, happiness that you had or about to have, when you feel blue listen to music that you like to listen to, it always helps me to keep me up beat, positive friends and family.

I have walk the dark road, it was not all sunshine and roses, there was no light at the end of my tunnel, I thought I would be lost for sure, my life would end, dead straight.

It started when I was young girl, I did not know what life was, I only guessed what it might be, never learned it from my parents as they were both divorced, I learned it from the streets, that's where the hard road of my life began, I never wish that any female live the life I lived and saw the things I saw it's not a life.

I was with my parents and my siblings in a city of Ontario where it all began as per usuall parents fight one or the other leaves and sometimes comes back, sometimes they don't, most times I would stay up late and wonder if my mom would come back, I have asked my dad where's mom, he would just stand there, look at me did not know what to say, so one night she came home, I was so happy I thought they would work things out never happened.

so one night on a sabbath night my mom and my siblings were all sitting in the kitchen with a map discussing where to go, I piped up and said, I want you to stay, with daddy, of course me being young never really understood what was going on, so we moved to small town and lived in a hotel room, and thats where we all separated, one went back to Toronto and my sister and me and my mom all stayed in Kenora, thats where I went to school, things seemed fine for a few years roughly 10 years.

during the 10 years I was in Kenora, I moved around lots and trying to go to school and trying to learn the ropes of growing up, sure I did all what teenagers do go out and party and dates and stuff, I remember when I was in the military army cadets 774 I went to Vernon BC. did my training for 6 months then I came back only to finish, during that time is where I learned how to, become independent on my own more better depend on my self.

No matter what I went thru and any hard ship I had to deal with was an up heal battle for me, especially when it came to guys now there is a story there you see all the guys I went with all is looking for one thing a good wife a good women as some puts it that does not cheat and who is honest etc....,

I am not liked by a lot of people I really don't mind at all gives me a chance to grow in my new world that I have created for my self, despite on who I have around me or who is in my life, I know my journey has not end, only God can do that in my hope will end this way cause I am here now, in the future will hold for me. I am not sure or where will I will be, I know this for sure is that I am happy for now.

it took 27 years to heal and close the door and lock it and leave it behind me and move on. now I think of what's ahead not behind me so far I think it's gong to be bright one I am a hard worker time for me to enjoy my life with a wonderful man who made it possible, without him, I don't know where I would be right now ok ok I may have some sort of idea but it won't be good, I owe this man my gratitude, where to start I am not shur how I am shur I figure it out.