Gyspy Soul

If a picture is worth a thousand words... what could be said of this one?

This photo was taken at a low point in my life. I had just been fired from my job and was put on anti-depressants. These were the days when laying in bed seemed to be the best option and stepping outside of my bedroom door seemed to be more of a triumph than anything else. There is something funny about anti-depressants, something that the doctors don't tell you. It's the fog; like the fog that rolls in after a morning shower. I could now wake up, eat normally, talk with people, laugh with people (which I had not done in many months,) and live my life normally. Normally. Normally. Normal with a fog. Normal but not normal. Normal to everyone else, but not to me. I felt like I had a cotton ball wedged in between my ears and thoughts and ideas were just circling around it. Nothing could penetrate through. No emotions were strong enough to make me feel... well... anything.

I felt strong determination that medication was not for me. I knew deep in my soul that I did not want to live life with a cotton ball brain and paper emotions. I wanted to experience life in bright colors and symphonies! So, I set out on a mission to find ways to cope. Like really cope. No more masking my emotions- I wanted to feel and I wanted to feel deeply. To connect to the world and to my inner self.

My roommate saw how miserable I was and gave me a book called "Ask And It Is Given," by the spiritual teacher Abraham Hicks. I was certain that this was the path I was meant be on because when I opened the first page a warmth spread from the book, into my fingertips, up my arms and to my chest. I felt alive. I felt understanding. I felt knowing. I felt God.

I read and read and read. I read so much that my body was on fire. I started to practice every single thing that the book was telling me to practice. I was journaling, meditating, envisioning my life- I was so content that I took myself off of my medication and walked around with a smile on my face and shoulders back. Even with the medicine I didn't do that!

2 months after reading the book, I moved to New York City to pursue a life long dream of being a makeup artist. Every single thing lined up for me in that very moment. I got accepted into the program, found the perfect apartment in two weeks, found a person to take my old apartment, and moved out! I was liberated from my old-self, my old-thought processes, and my old lifestyle.

This photo was taken on the day I got accepted into the makeup program. I was walking along the boardwalk in my hometown of Burlington, Vermont just thinking to myself, when I felt an urge to look up. My breath was taken away. This is the first time in months that I saw vivid color. Tears streamed out of my eyes from the sheer beauty that lay before me. As I stared in awe, a beautiful little girl started running across the waters edge laughing at her reflection. She ran back and forth, back and forth, leaping and jumping and splashing around.

I too felt as if I was the beautiful little girl seeing my own reflection for the first time and the brilliance of the universe around me.