Gratitude: One of the Important Lessons from 2020

At the beginning of the pandemic, I did not feel thankful for anything. Facing the surreal reality of lockdown, social distancing, death, grief, trauma and anger did not fit into the gratitude category for me. I was nothing but unhappy, so that prevented my ability to be thankful for what I have in my life. I just didn't reveal the negative emotions I was facing, because I am tough as a cookie.

As time progressed, I finally told myself, "be thankful for what I have, instead of the things I don't have, because not many people have a good quality of life like I do". I may not like certain things that occur in life, but that is the whole part of living in this reality. If I want to live like everyone else, I have to face the bad and the ugly from time to time. The obstacles are what make people stronger, and I am no different from everyone else just because I have Autism and Anxiety. Once I came to this realization, I was at ease. It took me a while, but it was worth the stuggle, because now I feel mentally and emotionally stable.

I might not realize it when I am in distress, but I have a heap of things to be thankful for. I had an amazing childhood, lots of friends, a loving and caring family, access to quality mental and physical health care, warm food on the table, a good education, the ability to learn and grow and access to many recreation and social opportunities that some kids do not have.

With respect to the present days of COVID-19, I have tons to be thankful for. Here are 5 things that I am thankful for!

More time to work on my mental and physical health

This may not be the case for many people, because lockdown and limited human contact worsened people's mental health. Not having access to fitness facilities and other recreation programs can cause people to gain weight and lose track of their health and wellbeing.

For me, it was quite the opposite. Even though I abhorred being told to stay home and limit my contact with people, I thought of how lockdown and limited things to do outside of home did for my mental and physical health. For years, I have been struggling to keep my mental and physical health in check. With two years of therapy and many years of trying to lose weight, I was slowly making progress.

Lockdown gave me some time away from the chaos and the some of the responsbilities such as having to wake up at 6 am just to catch the bus for 7 am to go to school. I strongly disliked putting on my winter coat and boots on at 7 am and rushing to get a bus for my 8 am class on Fridays, especially on a snowy, windy and freezing morning. I was able to reflect on some of the things that have occurred before the pandemic, and be able to gradually achieve my goals such as meditating more, reducing my stress, losing weight and getting back into my old hobbies. As a result, my mental health has been a lot better and I am gradually losing fat and gaining muscle.

Going to bed really late

We all love this moment! Going to bed late and not having to get up for an appointment or class is a human‘s dream! Since I did not have anymore in-person classes, I did not have to force myself to wake up at 6 am or to sit in a 2-hour lecture once a week.

At around 9 pm, I would go to bed, but not sleep. I would turn off all the lights in my apartment, snuggle up and listen to music in bed. Some nights, I would chat with my friends or family members on social media, play video games like Tetris on my iPad, watch YouTube or TikTok videos, read on my iPad or enjoy a late-night snack.

If I had enough energy, I would even do a workout in my living room. If I wasn't in the mood to find a workout video on YouTube, I would put on some good music and practice my fitness dance moves!

I mainly went to bed at midnight, however the times varied from night to night. Most nights I would go to sleep at 12 am. Some nights I would go to bed at 1 or 2 am. The latest that I have ever fallen asleep was at 3:15 am, because I would be too immersed in some of my songs or YouTube videos that I enjoyed playing. I would get up at around 9:30 am, 10:30 am or 11 am, which was a blessing for me. I loved just being able to go to bed whenever I wanted and getting up whenever I wanted.

A supportive family and network of friends

I don't know how I would have survived without the tremendous support I receive from my family and friends. Although I couldn't do very much with them, I still appreciated the long-distance support that they provided for me. I was able to speak to them on the phone, on social media, and was able to plan visits and outings with my friends while social distancing. Whenever I needed something essential such as groceries, hygienic products, or if they offered to buy me a little gift to cheer me up, my parents would either drop them off to me or they would deliver it to my apartment. I would have to go downstairs, since nobody was able to enter the building I live in.

Many of my friends in the building I reside in are going through similar issues as me: depression, frustration, anger, and sadness, so I finally feel like I am not suffering alone. I am so grateful to be able to reach out to my neighbours and peers who are going through the same challenges as myself. Some of them can't even leave the building because of their poor immune systems and illnesses that make them more susceptible to the virus. We were all here for each other, even though we couldn't go out and do the things we did before such as having dinner parties in each others apartments.

A beautiful, colorful and spacious apartment

Compared to some of my friends and familys apartment rooms that I have visited, I have one of the biggest apartment rooms. In fact, it is one of the biggest rooms in the building. With all the necessary space that is provided for me, I can do so many fun things such as exercising, cooking, dancing, baking, creating forts by the window, and so much more! I get a magnificent view of the neighbourhood from both the living room and my bedroom, so I am already living the dream!

I may not realize it in times of darkness, but there is always something to enjoy in my apartment. I have a huge library that is filled with books, puzzles, crafts/craft supplies, Russian language newspapers, stress-relieving toys like stressballs and notebooks. My apartment is filled with things to do to entertain myself in these dark times. I have a smaller library filled with books and other accessories in my bedroom. I have a comfortable, soft and large bed with six of my beloved stuffed animals posing on top of the bed.

I love going out, but some days I am just not in the mood because of the weather. I am thankful to have two windows that I can relax by and do whatever my heart desires, while enjoying the beauty of nature at home.

A vast front yard

Not many condos and apartment buildings get the amenities I receive, such as a vast front yard with a colorful garden, a hang out area with two benches, and a huge emerald green field. During lockdown and the summer of 2020, I would retreat to one section of the front yard which I called "The Rock Garden". I would lounge at the rock garden and listen to music, read a book, interact with some of the geese while social distancing, eat some snacks, drink some water, play video games and chat with some friends. Some days I would hang out in the flower garden and chat with some of my close friends who live the same building as me. I am just glad that I was able to reach out to my friends and still have that connection, while social distancing in the yard.

Nature is a lifesaver for me. Once I have adjusted to the new normal, I encouraged myself to take advantage of all the close by amenities that the building has to offer. Of course, I missed going to the places I loved, but I needed to satisfy myself without taking the bus and risking my health. The vast front yard was a huge satisfaction for me, especially during lockdown.