Getting to Know Me

I recently had a call with my coach about how to handle the next steps when it came to this blog. I love writing this blog but felt like I was running out of topics to cover. Over the last six months or so, I have talked about different types of loss and grief, from the loss of a pet to the loss of a relationship. I provided tips on how to prepare, process, and endure through these different situations. And how you can support someone going through these situations. We all experience loss in some form, and I wanted to give my readers some advice they could use when the time came.

However, going forward, the blog is going to be more personal. I started the blog initially because I felt a calling to share my story after I lost my mom. It was such a devastating event that I knew there were others who could be helped, but honestly, it was hard to talk about, never mind write about. But after a lot of thought and reflection, I know how and what I am supposed to share.

Death sucks. Losing someone you love hurts. A LOT. I get that. I’ve been there, and it’s so tempting to stay in that place of pain. But the people we love who are no longer with us don’t want us to sit around depressed, sad and/or angry for the rest of our lives. They want us to be happy and live the best life we possibly can until we are reunited with them.

So from here on in, I’m going to tell you my story. I’m going to tell you how I got through my grief and how I now live my best life in honor of my mom. This is what she would have wanted—for me to continue to do things that would make her proud.

I hope that my story will inspire you to live your best life for the person you lost.

First, my story, and how I got to be in this place in my life. I was born in Brooklyn, NY in 1976 to Guido and Anne Impavido. I was their first child, until they had my brother two and a half years later. The stress of two young children and a young marriage caused my parents to separate not long after that. My mom simply wasn’t ready to be a mom and a wife.

In those days, it was more common for a mother to get custody, but we went to live with Dad instead. He raised us, with the help of my grandparents, and later, my stepmom, whom he married when I was seven. I loved seeing my grandparents all the time, and grew very close to them.

The first time I experienced loss was when I was thirteen. My grandfather (my dad’s dad) passed away from cancer, which was tough on me because he had been a big part of my childhood. Although most of what I was feeling back then is a blur, I remember being angry with my friends at school. They accused me of coming to school the day after he passed just for attention and support. I remember being sad for a long time, and heartbroken for my grandmother, who had lost the love of her life.

When I was thirty-three, I lost my grandmother (my dad’s mom). Like my grandfather, she had been a big part of my life but for a lot longer because I lived at home until I was twenty-seven and saw her all the time. Once I moved out, I would make weekly visits, even if I could only stop by for a half hour. She was an amazing cook, and I made it a point to have dinner with her at least once a month. When she developed Alzheimer’s, she deteriorated quickly, and before I knew it, the grandmother I loved so much was gone. It was such a difficult loss for me, and so overwhelming that I couldn't even think about going to see her grave because even the thought would make me cry. I don’t think I fully healed from losing my grandmother until I did the work to heal from losing my mom.

I was thirty-eight when my mom passed away. Two days ago was the 7th anniversary of her passing. She wasn’t sick. Her death wasn’t expected. She was only fifty-nine, far too young to die. She fell and had been taken to the hospital. Because of HIPPA laws, it took a while to find out where they had taken her. The next month was a roller coaster of emotions, because her recovery wasn’t easy or guaranteed. From one day to the next we didn’t know what was going to happen. My brother and I had to make some hard decisions about the future because the prospect of her ever being able to function normally again was pretty slim. On June 4, 2014 she left this earth plane and my world as I knew it collapsed.

I can look back now and know that my mom had to leave this earth for my life to change course. For me to finally live my best life. It would take me a few years to get there and figure it out (and that journey will be something I will talk about in my blog). I know that she would have wanted me to live a full and happy life, and even in death, I still want to make her happy and proud.

I know I will still experience more grief in my life. Grief is inevitable, especially when there are people in your life that you love. If you are going through a grieving process and want to know how to move on and use that grief as a stepping stone to the future, follow along with me on this blog. We can change our lives, together, one step at a time.