Gentler

One of the most important realisations I had in my early twenties was how harsh the judgement I bestowed upon myself was. I realised that if I was to be content, I needed to stop letting the physical characteristics of myself define my value. I stopped letting some stray curly hairs or a wobbly bit dictate when and where I could have fun, and learnt to just let go.

Instead, I began to judge my worth on how kind or generous I was. Whether I followed through on that promise I made to a friend, or if I’d tried my best. And I began to see others in this way too.

I forgave myself if I wasn’t as thoughtful as I could've been or gave up when I could've kept trying. I learnt that it is not the first automatic thought of judgement that defines me but my second thought after that. I forgave myself and used it as a lesson to grow. And in doing so I felt free and much, much happier.

Out of this growth, I realised the key to happiness is to stop giving a f*** what everyone else thinks, and stop judging yourself on these curated images, the impossible standards created by that advertising company.

Instead, surround yourself with positive, kind individuals that make you laugh and that challenge you to be your best UNIQUE self. People that support your journey into your passions, whatever they may be.

Learn to ignore the people that tear you down for daring to try. I soon began to feel sorry for those that cruelly judge, because it only shows a deep discontent within themselves. Once I recognised these things, and began to implement them in my own life, everything became a lot gentler.

LEARNING HOW TO LOVE YOURSELF

Positive self-talk

Speak to yourself with the same respect you give to others. You would (hopefully) never tell a friend that they're worthless, or not good enough, or too fat to wear that cute crop top. So don't speak to yourself like that. It takes practice at first but overtime, by re-directing your self-talk, you'll develop a more confident attitude.

Fake it till you make it

It's going to feel unfamiliar at first, all this positive self-talk. But if you persist with it, you'll start to believe it. For me, I began by telling my boyfriend "I look great," even if I wasn't feeling confident. Fast forward to now and I honestly believe I look great most of the time *hair flick*.

Surround yourself with support

This is a key one. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to grow, and support all your hopes and dreams. In words and in actions. If you're spending your time in a toxic environment, you're inevitably going to soak up some of that toxicity. Share your time and space with like-minded individuals, you'll feel more inspired and content.

Forgive yourself

You forgive family when they make mistakes, so why not yourself? Give yourself the grace to be messy, for this is how we grow. Just be sure to take a lesson from the mistakes.

Give up things that aren't helping you grow

If you're partaking in something that isn't contributing to the life you want to lead, or the person you want to be, drop it. Life's too short for that sh*t. Seriously, you'll like yourself so much more if you start to do things because they matter to you, or you're passionate about them, or they bring you joy.

Clean up your social media feed

This is another big one. We're bombarded with images every day, tiny snapshots into others’ lives, and sometimes it's hard not to compare our whole life to that one perfect image. I found that by starting to follow social media accounts that share my values and body positivity, and unfollowing accounts that made me feel crappy, my mental health improved ten-fold. Contrary to public opinion that social media is detrimental to self-esteem, I think it can be a fantastic tool to SUPPORT your self-love journey. You just need to clean up that feed! UNFOLLOW.

Remember, NO ONE CARES

This is something my best friend and I remind each other regularly. Usually when we have to do something scary, or one of us feels embarrassed after a big night out. It's easy to forget that no one actually cares what you're doing or how you do it. They're too busy worrying about themselves, just like you are.

Hopefully, after doing all this, you'll start to feel comfortable enough in yourself that you can tune out any negativity. From others as well as from yourself. Learning to love yourself is life-long journey. It's just like any relationship, you need to work at it constantly, and if something isn't working you need to reassess.

If you liked this article, be sure to share with your friends and family and spread the self-love around! You can also follow me on Instagram (below).