Fresh Start: My Social Media Commandments

My list of New Year's Resolutions is long, and varied.

Drink more water; start my Masters; never refuse a social invitation again (well, when Covid is finally over)... I could go on. And on.

Unlike previous years, where my goals have been way too optimistic and unattainable, the tasks I've set myself for 2021 ARE achievable.

But, there's one I know I'll struggle with; my ongoing love-hate relationship with social media.

Overall, I enjoy using social media. It's been a wonderful way to explore mental health issues, as well as connect me to others. So, I don't want to simply stop using any platforms. However...

It is something that can adversely affect my mental health. And given that 2021 has to be another year of 'healing', I can't afford to go down some of the mentally-draining rabbit-holes that I've been down before courtesy of Twitter, Facebook, and their brethren.

I have to use social media differently this year.

And, after a bit of consideration, I've think I know how.

So (DRUM ROLL, PLEASE), here are my list of Social Media Commandments, ones I'm going to heed over the next twelve months:

1. Thou shalt not believe everything you read.

If 2020, proved one thing above any other, it's that social media cannot always be trusted.

A lot of what is online is great; just as much is fictional garbage. Even if it's eloquently written, even if the words are backed-up by some fancy numerical data that (at first glance) appears cast-iron, there's a better than even chance that the post is still utter fantasy.

Saying "I read it online, and there were graphs and stuff" doesn't automatically make it true. Question it all, Christopher.

Question it all.

Related to that...

2. Thou shalt make no assumptions.

Social media isn't just unreliable when it comes to current affairs or science; it's even less trustworthy with the personal stuff.

If you want to know how someone is really feeling, pick up the phone; social media will only tell you what they what they want you to believe, not the whole truth. You know that saying...

It couldn't be more true.

Looking at someone online and hoping to discover what they're really thinking, is about as useful as asking Donald Trump for electoral advice.

Felt the force of this recently. Someone contacted me, indignant at one of my Instagram posts. Awkwardly, I had to point out that the page it was on has over 2,000 followers; it's not a personal page, but a page about mental health. I do have another Instagram page - for friends - which has considerably fewer followers: That's where I share personal things. My other page? Less so.

My posts there could be a random item from another page I follow, or something that relates back to a conversation I've had with someone about something that's happening in their life, or one of my articles (which, like social media, aren't always about me - if I only ever wrote about things I had directly experienced, I'd have run out of topics months ago).

Assuming everything I post online is about me is an assumption that will be invariably be wrong. And then getting upset at me because of an incorrect assumption you've made? Just weird.

But, if it's true for me, then it'll be same for others: Their feeds aren't always about them.

So, don't assume, Christopher; ask.

Isn't that we used to do?

3. Thou shalt not use it instead of... you know, actually talking to that person.

If you've got something to say, pick up the phone.

Don't post it; it's just stupid.

Not only does it make you seem like a sad, passive-aggressive, emotional coward, sending some sort of vague, cryptic message via Pinterest or Instagram or Facebook is about an effective way of communicating as using a blind, and deaf carrier pigeon; the message isn't going to land.

Missing someone? Call them. Or send a letter; old school works.

Don't use social media; you'll end up very disappointed. Even if they saw it, how will they know it's about them?

Silly, Christopher. Just silly.

Related to that...

4. If thou is posting a lot of things that you cannot say to one's face, don't post it - take a break instead.

If you are trying to get someone's attention (in that afore-mentioned sad passive-aggressive, emotionally cowardly way), you're hurting. You're in pain. Jump off social media, and heal. Dig down, and try to work out why you're doing this.

Trust me - happiness that way lies.

If used well, social media can be a recovery tool. But, it's not as effective as therapy, changing your diet, taking up a new hobby, re-connecting with old friends, and sleeping.

If you're grieving or in pain, social media is the worst place to be. Leave - even if only for a short time.

5. Thou shalt not stalk people you've let go of.

For a start, if you're looking at them online, you haven't let them go. So, don't take a peek. No Contact works; do it. Block, delete - uninstall if you have to.

Besides, it's pointless anyway. Remember, social media is a mirage - what are you really going to learn? Absolutely nothing. If you're looking for clues as to how they feel about you, then that's not only unhealthy and dangerously self-absorbed, it's (again) pointless; how will you even know when something is about you? The chances are it won't be.

Well and truly had my fingers burnt in the past. After a truly horrible break-up, I looked at my ex-partner's Pinterest page. My heart leapt when I saw a post about how much they were missing a special, certain someone. Emboldened, I contacted them, and... it wasn't about me. It was about their current beau.

Yep - not doing that again.

If you haven't spoke to someone for months, you have no idea about their lives anymore - believing something online is about you when you are in no position to know for certain suggests you've got some guilt or unresolved issues to work through. Focus on that instead. So, (time for another 'again'), heal.

2020 taught me a lot. It taught me that the world is more divided than ever. That no-one really knows what to do when caught up in a global pandemic.

It also taught me that I need to be smarter with regard to how I use social media.

A fresh start is needed, and 2021 is the time to start following my commandments!

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