Finding My Voice

I started writing when I was about ten years old. My grandma bought me a diary for my birthday. I loved writing down what would happen to me throughout my day. Soon, I began to expand to writing songs, poetry, even skits and scripts. In my writing, I found it possible to write everything that was in my head, things that I didn’t feel comfortable speaking out loud.

I have tried my hand at writing several things over the years. When I began writing, I spoke of what happened to me throughout my day. Then I found myself writing of my dreams and fears. I wrote poetry and songs that would speak what I felt so strongly in my heart, rather it be a crush, a broken heart, or my views on the world. I would sit with my best friend and come up with skits, and even a script for a comedy. With my writing, my imagination is my only limitation. And thankfully, that has seemed to be able to take me pretty far. Many times, I am able to let my voice out on paper much easier and clearer then by mouth.

You see, I’ve always been incredibly shy, and quiet. Even as a child people would say that I was so quiet that they wouldn’t know I was in the room. That’s one thing that hasn’t changed, even now as an adult. I can hear my inner voice trying to break free, desperate to be heard. But when I open my mouth, fear sets in, and I remain silent. However, with a notebook and pen, or my laptop, I can let out my feelings, and I feel a comfort in that.

I can’t help but laugh at myself when I describe myself as in extroverted introvert, as it seems rather ironic. How is it possible to be a person who loves working with people, but also is terrified of doing so? I want to get messages and phone calls, but sometimes I find myself not replying for fear of having bad timing, or saying the wrong thing. If I’m in a store, I avoid aisles with a lot of people in it. Yet a part of me is screaming out, desperate to be heard.

Everyday, I feel as a challenge of some sort. I have three jobs now, that all include working with others. I love them, yet still, I have to fight that inner fear on a daily basis to allow myself to break out of my shell a little, until hopefully one day, hopefully I’ll be free from it. I’m a substitute teacher, I often find myself in a class of nearly thirty kids. I help them with their work and make sure they stay out of trouble. I often work at a bakery, where I help prepare cakes, as well as work with customers to help make sure their orders are correct. It’s completely different from what I am used to, yet I love it. I know that by learning to tackle these challenges, I am helping myself with my confidence. And finally, I write. After twenty years, I am putting my work out to the world. Hoping that by doing so, I not only help myself, but also others. Those that are still looking for their voice, wanting to be heard.

Each day has its challenges, but it’s also rewarding. I believe that although the world is a scary place, it’s also beautiful. We all have a voice, we all deserve to be heard. Not everyone will understand, or agree, but that’s ok. If you have something to say, share it with the world. By doing so, it has the ability to bring us all closer together, and therefore, the world isn’t that scary of a place after all.