Finding ME, again...

Sooooo, I’ve been doing a thing!

Since we started watching Grace & Frankie on Netflix, I noticed that Frankie did a vlog & Grace eventually did one, it seemed weird at first but I've done a few of them this week, not posting them anywhere but just as a therapy sesh for myself to vent & process my thoughts & honestly it's not just cool, it's so relieving to get stuff out & not have to pay a therapist for it either. If anyone is going through a rough patch like I was, I definitely recommend it, you won't be sorry.

Sometimes, I don't wanna talk to people about my problems & that can build up but this vlog stuff can really be helpful so try it out! Just open your camera, hit the video button & record then just keep talking until you are relieved! I've been going through SO many mental, emotional & spiritual battles & I know most will judge but one thing I've learned is that:

1. I have the best partner in the world!

2. Fight relentlessly!

3. I've got to stop looking at rain in my life as something bad.

4. Things don't grow just because of the sun, you've gotta have some rain.

5. My greatest moments didn't come from my greatest moments but from my greatest defeats.

6. It was during my greatest defeats that I had to find a way to get back up!

7. Stop saying that I'm having a bad day & start saying that I'm having a character building day!

I was so weak at the beginning of this journey, I cried so much, I didn't eat but like one small meal a day, if that. I was so broken, I was restless, I felt like I had to constantly be moving but I stopped. I sat still and I FINALLY got it!

I found ME again, the me who I may not be the happiest anymore but the "intense version of me, the I'm not gonna stop until I get there, the good insane me that used to push herself running during cross country practice in 103 degree weather while my coach was on my tail driving behind me in his truck saying, "Come on, you can do this, it's just a hill, let's go, don't stop!" And those words came back to me tonight & something sparked in me! I'm not the same person I was in high school, or after I got out of there, I'm not the same as I was at 24 when I lost my mom, I'm not the same person I was a month ago or 6 months ago! I AM ME, but I'm ever-changing and growing! I will never stop on this journey & if I do it will only be for a little while!

I feel like I can breathe again, I can laugh without hurting, I can smile without worrying, I can live this life without fear or all of this weight on me! I've done a lot of self-therapy this week & it feels so good! Taking care of yourself is something I definitely recommend! I can't thank my closest friends, family & my amazing partner enough for being there for me during all of this! You are ALL amazing souls!

Find YOUR happiness & you will ignite a fire in you that you've never had or that may have been lying dormant waiting to be awaken by you, whatever you do, don't stop until you find it! I hope you never lose your sense of wonder!