And just to think, a year prior I was battling depression, entering the beginning of a never-ending nightmare. For every high in my life, a low followed suit. I finally started my career, as I was ending a nearly 10 year relationship with the father of my second son. I finally got a place to call my own for me and my sons, as I found out my sister betrayed me in ways unimaginable.
For every high, there was definitely a low.
In the blink of an eye I lost my family, the one I created and the one I came from. Back to back losses. It was surreal, like I was definitely in the twilight zone. But it was for the best right?
Throughout that 10 year relationship, I would say 80% was nothing shy of horrific. The first year was the best year, they always are. The second and third years, I was visiting him in federal prisons throughout NJ, as if! The fourth year we became impregnated. The fifth year the abuse started. Verbal first, then physical, and mental, emotional and spiritual in the mix of it all.
He would remind me of how he’s 33 and has his whole life ahead of him, as he’s holding our son. I was never good enough, never did anything right by our son, in his eyes. I’ll never forget the day I kicked him out, my breaking point. He called me every name under the sun except Laura. I prayed for strength and the next thing I knew his shit was in trash bags waiting for his arrival.
How else do you show someone that you have self respect. That they can and will never speak down on you. Everyone has their breaking point.
It’s funny because rock bottom sucks, nobody ever wants to be there but when you look back in retrospect you appreciate rock bottom. You remember how you felt when you were there and you’ll do everything in your power to never be there again.
I’m still growing through what I’m going through, figuring out how to handle everything thrown at me. How to shift my entire life to comfortably raise these two kids as a single mother now. Maybe my story will help someone else get through what they’re going through. Just know it’s never the end of the world.
Life happens and you’re never really prepared for the day you feel rock bottom. The only thing that matters is you find a way to overcome adversity. How do you do that? Simply put, indulge in happiness. What makes you happy? Write a list, like this one:
- Books, -Movies, -Family, -Friends, -Volunteering to name a few things that make me happy. This has definitely helped me get through the last two years of my life.
Find things that you love, like really enjoy and focus on those things. Don’t ever let anyone dull your shine! You’ll know when it’s time to leave a situation because your mind, body & soul will literally move you. Prayer is real, stay blessed luvs!
-Love Lo 💙