Don’t Worry Mom, I’m Going to be Okay

Lately, my dear mother has been sick in the hospital. Not with COVID, mind you- with cancer (again.) Nobody like her should suffer like this, let alone during Christmas of all times. So, the stress of seeing my mother like this has been hard for me. Ever since I moved back home (long story), Mom and I have had some tension at home due to the lack of structure in my life. Lately, I've been feeling horrible for all the terrible things I did and said, and would have done anything to take them back.

However, I eventually realized that there was indeed a light at the end of the tunnel. I couldn't go back in time and be a better daughter, but I could do something to make her feel better. After all, she was able to cheer me up one time when I was absolutely heartbroken- with less than seven words, no less!

Now, after having my Bat Mitzvah when I was 13, I was all set to get a trip to Israel via the Birthright program. Due to my difficulties, my parents signed me up for the Asperger's Trip. I was all set to travel Christmas 2019, figuring nothing would intervene

Until that fateful phone call.

On Halloween 2019- the 10th anniversary of my Bat Mitzvah- I received a call saying "You're interested in our Asperger's Birthright Trip, aren't you? Well, I'm calling to tell you they filled up."

"Can't I get on another trip?"

"Sorry, they're all booked too."

"Well, okay," I said, tearfully hanging up the phone.

You wouldn't BELIEVE how devastated I was. I figured it would be okay- I'd have a fun Halloween and everything would be alright, right? But that night, I woke up completely devastated.

My mom, of course, couldn't stand to see me this way. However, there was no way to get me on the Aspie trip without waiting all year. There had to be some other way, so Mom said those four fateful words "Isn't There Another Trip?" That's right- all it took was four little words to get me off to Israel. To put in perspective, my grandfather, who was known in the house as a man of very few words, said more words at my first birthday- "Well, Jenny, another year shot to hell!" And that's if you include the first two words- in familial anecdotes, it's often shortened to "Another year shot to hell!"

So, My dear father, bless his heart, did a thorough Google search and found a "Special Needs" trip from Birthright Israel itself. I took a look at the anecdotes from the website, and from the looks of it, it looked really nice, and a good fit for someone like me.

I'd have to admit, I was honestly a bit leery of it at first. Being an "in-betweener" concerning my disability meant that everything was either too challenging or not challenging enough, and I was honestly concerned it would be the latter.

"If this is a trip for people with special needs, aren't they going to baby us?" I asked Dad. "If it's a trip to Israel, why would they baby you?" said Dad. "Isn't this a good thing they're doing this for special needs people?" (That I had no problem with, in fact I appreciated the fact they were making disabled kids feel included; I was mainly concerned about not fitting in, and being a "big fish in a small pond" so to speak.)

One of my reasons for concern, however, were my negative experiences at high school. My parents eventually put me in a special classroom due to issues, and while my freshman & sophomore years were fine, by 11th grade they finally realized that it was too easy for me. However, my dad reassured me, my trip would be nothing like High School.

And I had an absolute blast! I ate out at awesome restaurants, went to museums, rode ocean liners and camels, and made lots of new friends. In fact, there were only three similarities to high school- everyone was special needs, we went on field trips an awful lot, and we didn't get a lot of homework.

Look, I don't care what her motivation even was, the important thing was, she did something amazing for me, and that's all I care about. And when Mom got sick, like, really really sick, I reached out to make her feel better the way she did for me. God bless you, Mom, and have a Merry Christmas. (But just so you know, it's okay if you aren't able to.)