Don't Be Afraid of Your Fears

Fear is a complex emotional event manifesting itself in various forms and affecting each individual in a uniquely personal manner. Rational fear is an instinctive defense mechanism, an intuitive warning of potential danger. It’s your body and mind saying, “Hold on a minute. Let’s think about this.”

Rational fears are less about the item or event at the forefront of the emotion and more about the unknown consequences surrounding it. Basic problem-solving skills can be applied to attacking a rational fear.

Many rites of passage through life are frightening but must be faced regardless of the consequences. Graduating from college, leaving your parents’ house, and starting a career are all rational fears in the normal course of becoming an adult.

If you break down the fear, you begin to see the commonality between these items is the unknown. Not knowing how it will feel to live alone, not knowing if you will be accepted into a new community, not knowing if you will be successful at a career you have studied but not experienced.

For me, it turns out my apartment was my sanctuary and I was well suited to the practical application of my studies. A straightforward conquering of fear.

Other rational fears are less straightforward to conquer. Anxieties amplified by external stigmas have an extra level of complication.

My husband and I met through a dating service back when you had to walk into a brick and mortar building to partake in such an activity. Sitting in my car in front of the building, I contemplated if society was right, that resorting to such measures meant I was pathetic and broken or is this a smart, logical solution to a problem.

This businesslike approach to dating made sense to me, it matched well with my personality, so I pushed societies fear laced voice aside, followed my instincts and changed my life forever.

Some anxieties have elements of rationality and irrationality and are neither insurmountable nor fully conquerable. As a teenager I enjoyed water skiing but had a fear of water and the creatures that live in the water. I had to convince myself to jump out of the boat every single time.

The illogical aspect of that fear is still with me today, but I know I have the strength to overcome it when necessary. Certain fears simply stick with you and you must learn to live with them or you will spend your whole life never getting out of the boat.

And then there are completely irrational fears not based on factual data and reason about a situation or object, but instead alive only in the mind. In a word … spiders.

I am aware that I am more dangerous to the spider than the spider is to me. Even more ridiculous is feeling fear upon seeing an image of a spider on a computer screen, in a book or movie, or even part of a dream. An image, not actually present in the room with me, is distressing. This is a fear that I will take to my grave and that’s okay.

Fear will always be a part of life in significant and trivial ways. How does one know when to face fear head on and when to step around it? It’s not a question of bravery or cowardice, but rather a question of what is worth the risk at that moment.

Avoiding a fearful situation is not equivalent to weakness. Listening to your instincts and weighing the pros and cons of a situation are wise decision-making techniques.

Underneath the anxiety it really all comes down to making choices that best fit who you are, who you want to be and what you want to accomplish in life. It’s about deciding when to take a leap of faith and when to stay in the boat.

Except when it comes to spiders. Spiders are just creepy.