Does Gratitude Journaling Feel Forced? Here's What You Could do Instead

A few years back, I was in a pretty bad slump. Everything in my life had been falling apart. Not for months, not even years, but decades. It was like a never-ending tunnel, and after waiting so long for the light, one loses hope. It was at such a time, when I was deep in despair and helplessness, that I came across the concept of gratitude journaling.

The benefits listed ranged from: focussing on your blessings will bring more of them, gratitude journaling will make you happier, it will reduce stress, it will help with anxiety, and so on.

Most people agreed that even though there was no wrong way to do this practice, a simple way to start was to take some time to list three things you are grateful for. Ideally, at the end of the day.

One night, I opened my journal and tried to write about the things that were going well in my life. But I couldn’t. My heart felt extremely heavy, my throat felt choked, I felt betrayed by life, and I had so much fear that I just couldn’t speak up for myself. I felt flawed. Horribly flawed. I just couldn’t feel gratitude for anything. Not for the roof over my head that I took for granted, nor for the daily meals that so many others were not fortunate enough to get, not for the wardrobe that had enough clothes, not for anything that so many others would consider a huge blessing. Not being able to feel grateful made me even worse, so I forced myself to write three points. I wrote:

1. I feel grateful that I have a house that shelters me.

2. I feel grateful that I don’t have to worry about my next meal.

3. I feel grateful that I have work that pays me.

Writing these did not make me feel any better, but because it was still the first day, I told myself that I needed to continue doing this regularly for it to work. But it didn’t. It continued to feel forced, and it continued to make me feel even worse about myself. That’s when I realized that this wasn’t the right time for gratitude journaling. Trying to feel grateful when I had such a low self-image was harming me.

Instead, what I needed was self-love. Lots and lots and lots of self-love. Caring for myself. Doing things I liked. I needed to express myself, including expressing displeasure when I did not like something. I needed to do a reality check of what was working and not working in my life. Authentic Expressive Journaling was what I needed. Not Gratitude Journaling. In fact, gratitude journaling was the exact opposite of what I needed.

I’m glad I changed my strategy and started journaling about how I felt. I decided to focus entirely on catharsis. I wrote about things that I felt were wrong in my life. I wrote about how people had hurt me. I wrote about what I did not like in my environment. I wrote about what I did not like in my work. I wrote about all the things that were dragging me down in life. What I did was the exact opposite of gratitude journaling, and it felt cathartic.

It helped me because I had felt invalidated and unheard all my life and expressing myself healed all the wounds that had been festering within me for heaven knows how long. After several months of simply writing about how I truly felt without forcing myself to feel in a particular way, I started to experience natural gratitude. Not a lot, but a bit. I wrote about it whenever I felt it. My rule was to be authentic and write what I truly felt.

I’m still struggling with a lot of wounds, but I feel far less despair. I feel more hopeful, and it’s because of the catharsis that occurred when I started expressing my truth (the way I felt) in my journal. I am honestly grateful for the gratitude that arises from time to time. It’s a beautiful feeling, and I know I will feel more of it as the wounds of the past heal; as my confidence in myself increases; but till then I am not forcing anything.

If you’ve been struggling with gratitude journaling because it feels forced, then don’t feel bad about the fact that you are having a hard time feeling gratitude. Give it a break. Try to just be authentic in your journaling. It’s OK and even good to say that things are wrong when they are. You don’t have to accept whatever life throws at you. You have the right to express displeasure over things that have gone wrong. Let all the pent-up emotions find release. At some point, you will start feeling light and strong and grateful. And it will feel right.