Do You Spend Too Much Time Looking in the Rearview Mirror

I sometimes write stories in a category that I call “52 Guiding Lights." This started as a platform on my website, but I have now closed that down. This story is one of my guiding lights.

I have been trying to help someone very close to me focus on the future rather than the past. They struggle with events in their lives that they feel responsible for.

There is a lot of advice about this.

Author Chloe Thurlow notes, “Forget the past, it’s gone. But look back now and then to remember where you came from and where you are headed.”

Author and actor Stewart Stafford says, “I don't believe in yesterday; I believe in tomorrow. The future, whether good or bad, is a new experience. It’s not a ghostly replay of the past."

Dani Harper, who wrote "First Bite," advises, "You can’t change the past, but you can make today and tomorrow better."

My added words of wisdom to her were, “There is a reason why a rearview mirror is so much smaller than a windscreen. It is because we need to spend more time looking forward than we do backward."

Many people haunted by past events often say, “Yes, but if only…” The issue with “if only” is that it changes nothing. Whatever happened has happened and can never be changed. Dwelling on the past and not looking toward the future is a waste of time.

Looking too much in the rearview mirror can become a habit. When it does, it stops us from moving forward. We start using it as an excuse not to try at all.

Guilt is often linked to mental illness, like depression or bipolar disorder. People with these conditions struggle to move on from the past. As a result, they often see little improvement in the future.

Whether we like it or not, and whether we choose to face it or not, time moves forward, not backward. The world we knew yesterday is just history. Just look at how quickly the state of the world changed overnight. Many people long to return to what was, but that is impossible.

I have been guilty of this myself, many times, especially in relationships. How many times have you said, “can’t we just go back to the way we were"?

The trouble is that there is no going back. Looking in the rearview mirror helps us learn. It shows us what happened and how to deal with it in the future. It is this knowledge of an experience that gives us the momentum to move forward.

Looking forward does not mean completely ignoring the past. It means looking to the past for lessons rather than letting it hold you back. Philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said, "You can only understand life by looking back, but you have to live it moving ahead."

Reflecting on the past teaches us important lessons. However, dwelling too much on it can cause stagnation, regret, or nostalgia. This can make it hard to take action in the present.

Too much focus on the aspects leads to a buildup of regrets. Returning to “if only” or “I should have” doesn’t help. It just adds emotional baggage that’s tough to deal with. This hinders progress in moving forward.

For many, realising they cannot change past mistakes is a crucial step. This awareness helps them recover and move forward.

If we continue to look backwards in a sea of regret, we may well lose our greatest chance, our only chance, to learn from our experiences and embrace the future.

Life moves forward, not backward.

Till next time,

Calvin