Do People Really Listen when you Open your Mouth?

The goal of any healthy relationship is to flourish and how well we communicate with each other is at the heart of growth and development.

Communication uses skills and can become an art to enrich the other if we pay attention to the following simple techniques. After all, to survive the moment at hand with minimum damage or casualties and then exit quietly is not exactly acceptable as a way to relate to others.

Rather, the goal is to give your message a spirit, an attitude and an emotion in order to leave all involved better off than when you first opened your formidable mouth. We love to watch them become more excited, mesmerized, empowered, inspired, connected, etc.

What is your intention behind words?

Communication uses sounds, words and body-language. However, impact is generated out of our intention behind the words, not words alone.

Naturally, a good choice of words is important and critical, but we often underestimate the intentions that carry them forth. The same goes for our gestures, postures and overall attitudes. The reason for that is simple.

Intentions bring in a sophistication to our communication style. As an example, to just talk to someone is not very powerful. To empower them or elevate their spirit is a much stronger choice. In addition, intentions are not visible, they have to be embodied in action, which makes demands a bit more focus and presence.

Words, facial expressions, gestures, postures and voice tones are all dependent on intentions. They feed and live off of them. Few people are truly aware of their attitudes, postures and gestures. They speak volumes to the people you relate to because people recognize intentions more than we would like to admit.

Intentions are to communication what a conductor is to an orchestra.

For example, an empty gesture is a gesture that has not found its intention. Imagine somebody yelling “fire” in a movie theatre without intention, it would be a long time before anybody reacted.

Value is created out of intention and so is the sophistication of your style. An intention is literally the engine behind your words and postures. You’ve heard the phrase “be careful what you wish for.” Well, consider that an intention is a wish in action for a desired outcome.

Intentions challenge you to realize whether you mean business or not. The unconscious reason we do not bring strong intentions to the game of communication is because they have the gift of confronting us where we are just “going through the motions” or where we are afraid to take a leap of faith to really express ourselves.

Express your intention with a verb followed by an adverb.

To introduce myself clearly. To make sure I’m well understood. To acknowledge my friend authentically. To present my agenda slowly. To share my story or knowledge humbly. To empower delicately, etc.

To connect with my mother warmly, to impact the meeting creatively, to brainstorm with purpose, to introduce my new plan with finesse, to impact firmly, to provoke with humor, etc.

Make up more on your own with people or situations that really matter to you.

Avoid Self-Consciousness

The reason an absence of strong intentions deflates the balloon of healthy exchanges is because an absence of intentions results in immediate self-consciousness.

Tension and self-consciousness are born out of an absence of intention. In other words, it pushes us toward inappropriate or illegitimate intentions.

Some of the most famous and not-so-pretty examples of tension are: to patronize, to preach, to avoid, to tense up, to shut down, to exclude, to push away, to manipulate, to apologize, to despise, to cheapen, to pull rank, to attack, to repress, to subjugate, to crush, etc.

I’ll let you imagine the adverbs of the above verbs. We’ve all been there, haven’t we? Both professionally and personally!

Whether declared or undeclared, conscious or unconscious, these unsolicited intentions rob communications of truth and authenticity. Don’t be afraid of your strong intentions and arm yourself with them; they really work!

In my professional opinion, it is better "not to meet or gather" with your friends or colleagues than to show up without powerful intentions.