Decluttering

I was wondering the other day, what`s up with my life that it`s always a mess. I know I`m not the cleanest person and my room gets messy sometimes, but comparing to my life, my room is a glass castle with shiny gold decor. Somehow I keep on messing up whatever I start to do, friendships, relationships, jobs, even a basic dinner... But is it because I`m a looser born to be an entertainment for everyone around or is there another reason for that?! Did I do anything that makes me deserve this?! Did I mess up something?! Is this all my fault?!

I was thinking about this pretty often in the past, but this time I went deep... I really wanted to know the answer to this. I am just working through the typical "adulting" stuff, you know finding a better job, finding an apartment to live in, have food in the fridge and next to all of this, trying to do something fun when I can. Oh yeah, it sounds like easy, my parents handled it pretty well, why couldn't I do the exact same, the way they did?! Hahaha... Silly me... :D

I found the place to live, with my best friends, it`s affordable, it`s cute, it`s fun. Great, check! Adulting is not that bad after all and once in a life time, things are working out. OK. Found a job that pays the bills. Not a dream job, but pretty OK. Check! Maaaaan, I`m rockin` it!!!!! Flash forward a month or so... The job couldn't provide enough shifts for the next weeks, so I was basically unemployed and some of my flatmates got some better offers from life, so we all will need to move out in a couple of months... Wow!!!!! It felt good until it lasted... I experienced how does it feel to be on the top of the world, how successful people feel all the time. But now I`m back to my usual me, with the semi messed up present and a waaay messed up past. What about my future?! Oh well... Let`s not even mention that. :D

But why is it always coming back like a circle?! Having a great time for like a tiny period of time and then it`s back to the usual... And this is when I was thinking about the title, "Decluttering", what is the most important in my life right now?! My family and my friends. What am I stressing about the most?! My work, money, future. What am I grieving about?! My past... So that`s when the light bulb started shining in my brain for a second. I`m poisoning my current situation, I can`t change my past and there are thing I can`t control in my life right now. I have to see the world how it is, things usually don`t happen to punish me, losing a loved one or having unfortunate circumstances are not happening because of me. To be honest, I`m not enough powerful to create those things or change them, I`m not the Genei from Aladdin, I`m more like Jasmine and Aladdin, just a human who is trying to change her path. I think we are all like them in one way or another. We were born into a family and we got a basic life story starter with that, but sometimes we write the story and sometimes someone else has the pen and the notebook. The thing we can do is get rid of those stress factors that we can`t change and replace them with things we care about the most. Even I stress about money and work, when my family and friends need me, I`m there no matter what it takes. There is something I learned over the years surrounding myself with people who are smarter than I am, that you can`t buy time and love with money, so I don`t save money on them. If they asked me to go to see a movie with them, I say "yes", maybe I save in the travelling, so I walk to the cinema, but I`m there with them and for them because you never know. Life changes, people change and you never know if this is the last time to do this with them. I don`t only talk about death, but also so many thing changes if someone moves abroad, gets married, ... So yeah, live the moments and how my wise friend always tells me "It will all work out in the end. It always does!" And He is soooo right. :)